Programming Post-Progeny: A New Parent's Perspective

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Programming Post-Progeny: A New Parent's Perspective
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When my daughter appeared on the scene in October 2017, my life was turned upside down. As I was returning to work, I found that previous strategies for managing my time weren’t up to snuff and I needed to create new ones if I was to be effective at my craft. No longer did I have 15 minutes to “get in the zone” - I needed to get things done in any time available. I learned to carve milestones out of minutes (sometimes) and will share what did (and didn’t) work for me. I also share stories about my general journey of becoming a parent that may be helpful to anyone thinking about becoming a parent (or just wondering what it might be like!). Or you could just come to the talk for the cute baby pictures - they make everyone smile!
Computer animation Bit Gastropod shell Perspective (visual)
Point (geometry) Data management Mathematics Lecture/Conference Multiplication sign Self-organization Mereology Computer programming
Slide rule Inheritance (object-oriented programming) Multiplication sign System administrator Computer program Expert system Similarity (geometry) Hecke operator Basis <Mathematik> Insertion loss Real-time operating system Bit Student's t-test Mereology Computer programming Expected value Programmer (hardware) Meeting/Interview Different (Kate Ryan album) Touch typing Videoconferencing Videoconferencing Dean number Inductive reasoning
Link (knot theory) Personal digital assistant Multiplication sign Barrelled space Figurate number Exception handling
Point (geometry) Source code Statistics Trail Inheritance (object-oriented programming) Source code State of matter Expected value Category of being Facebook Goodness of fit Exclusive or Process (computing) Computer animation Hill differential equation Ranking Family Position operator Form (programming)
Axiom of choice Game controller Computer animation Multiplication sign
Expected value Group action Expected value Process (computing) Strategy game Multiplication sign Charge carrier Contrast (vision) Equivalence relation Exception handling Neuroinformatik
Laptop Online chat Process (computing) Meeting/Interview Mereology
Axiom of choice NP-hard Group action Decision theory Multiplication sign Time zone Open set Computer font Programmer (hardware) Strategy game Different (Kate Ryan album) Computer configuration Office suite Family Area Broadcast programming Electronic mailing list Bit Data management Computer configuration Order (biology) Different (Kate Ryan album) Interrupt <Informatik> Remote procedure call Arithmetic progression Thomas Bayes Point (geometry) Slide rule Dataflow Trail Server (computing) Maxima and minima Control flow Code Field (computer science) Number Frequency Goodness of fit Term (mathematics) Ideal (ethics) Integrated development environment Task (computing) Condition number Time zone Inheritance (object-oriented programming) Projective plane Commutator Word Computer animation Integrated development environment Office suite Computer multitasking Pressure Family
Multiplication sign Food energy Family Dean number
Point (geometry) Scheduling (computing) Service (economics) Observational study Confidence interval Multiplication sign View (database) Control flow Online help Field (computer science) Computer programming Twitter Programmer (hardware) Heegaard splitting Meeting/Interview Computer configuration Term (mathematics) Hypermedia Traffic reporting Shift operator Dependent and independent variables Inheritance (object-oriented programming) Keyboard shortcut Planning Bit Computer programming Type theory Process (computing) Integrated development environment Personal digital assistant Telecommunication Figurate number Whiteboard Family
at the end up the and
I and
I know and I'm and thank you all for coming on this is a bit of a different talk for me the general there was the and so i'm
just under and this is a she's
also with us in the audience and is leaving for 5 days is still a bit challenging and welcome the programming after progeny of top that is part time management part encouragement of flexible work arrangements and definitely excuse for us to all enjoyed cute baby pictures together 1st I like to think of and after taking on my daughter and holding her if I if that change you change you may end up on stage at some point as well I'd also like to thank the organisers for accepting this talk about this is the 1st talk that I've given at a conference but it's certainly the most personal on my
previous talks Our more to get in touch with titles like connecting patients to doctors in real time delving into the Django admin and performance talks I Python Tulio programmable video and however despite the fact that I am not a child expert hands my anecdotes are not students statistically significant data I feel it's important for us to share the rest of our lives with each other because we're people not just programmers and it would be foolish to think that we work in isolation from other important parts of our lives but there are also many things that I knowledge as being important before I had a child's but that's the blindsided me even though I thought I was prepared so if nothing else I hope this talks reaches apparent out there for a sunday parent or someone who works with parents on and what's another that there a people with similar feelings and that they're probably not alone now before and again I'd like to set expectations just a bit 1st this is a personal story I talk to other parents and you'll hear as many other stories as there are parents and as there are children I'm this is the things that work for me are not things that I'm saying everyone sh can or should do people have different feelings about children on the different feelings about parenting heck I wonder on an almost daily basis funds bring this up on your hands might do things differently in the future or I could go back in time but this is where I'm at right now the the the I gotta into the world's about 2 weeks late so she was right on par with the programming even and nothing ever arrives on time and we had actually struggled with infertility a pregnancy loss and long induction all topics for another time but that I'm happy to share more about with anyone who has questions and and we were delighted she was here I was exhausted and he'll on but incredibly happy I had started maternity leave a few days earlier the I when I gone to hospital and was looking forward time to recover and to get to know this brand new little person so it was time for
expectations to me reality I before I had a child's I expected that it would be tough fine you plenty of other parents I had 3 younger siblings and spent quite a bit of time around babies on I thought I knew I was getting into and then a lot of reading books books a great on I knew I would have a small human being who take up an awful lot of time but in between diverse feelings enough time I would have some time to myself right they are not I the so that's my daughter when she was about 4 months old and is my down to
about 9 days old in the 1st few months are not but what you picture when you think about what babies newborns eat every 1 to 2 hours around the clock and they may be 3 if you're if you're lucky they don't sleep for long stretches of time on their actually except in some cases physically incapable of doing that but there are exceptions just like everything else but most newborns don't sleep for very long and any stretch of time they have some links that are about the size of the I think it was a marble by the end of the 1st we can like this big when they're born so they they have to be frequently because they really can't the a lot at any given time I and then I barrels of thought I have I have 12 weeks of maternity leave figure this out that's that's plenty of time and if that in the back of your mind because I have taken this is
terry detour on this talk and just go through
the obligatory yes has no guaranteed paid maternity or paternity leave on we rank dead last in the OECD in company with only property Guinea on this is a ranking of other countries in the OECD and how much paid maternity we they provide but it's fantastic that so many tech companies have fabulously policies Google Amazon actually I'm not sure how good Amazon's think it's good but I know Google's Netflix Facebook all have great maternity leave policies on maternity leave policies and but that leaves out a whole bunch of people and this is not something that should be dependent upon employment status in 2014 only 13 per cent of US civilian employees had any access to paid family leave on the Family Medical Leave Act provides 12 weeks of unpaid leave which means that and after it given birth you have 12 weeks i where you may not be fired from your position the but only 60 per cent or so of US workers are actually eligible for the Family Medical Leave Act so that means 40 per cent of people who are employed are not eligible for the Family Medical Leave Act remember that's unpaid leave so 40 per cent of US employs if they had a child would not be eligible to take any form of leave and have their job be guaranteed when they came back the additionally and the World Health Organization recommends 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding with 1 year as a primary nutrition source nursing can be hard pumping can be harder and good parental leave policies make this easier it hard to even think you have breastfeeding figured out at 12 weeks I'm and so going back to work at that point for some people is easy and follow a lot of other people is hard yes does not do a good job of supporting those people the this is not the main thrust of my talk but I felt like I needed to include it because it's something that we don't do well here in the US and that we should do better so back to my personal
story and not statistics the here are a few more details about my expectations
and the I expected that 12 weeks would be plenty of time to figure out everything I needed to know and that I would be ready to go back to work at that time and that she would be ready to go to daycare I expected that by 12 weeks she would be sleeping well but that we would have started figuring something out and I expected that she knew would good childcare which might be a little unhappy with unfamiliar caretakers on but that she would adjust the I expected the company would be using the I was wrong choice
reality was 12 weeks a short is actually generated from when she was 13 weeks old I at 13 weeks babies are still generally a mobile and most of them can't even rollover yeah and are only starting to develop reasonable had control the and the other
reality is that babies are individuals and all of those expectations I had about how she would do with other people and how she would sneak how I would do all the things the the books that I should do and things will turn out fine that didn't happen on from day 1 she had a vocal personality she hated car seats swaddled in strollers the which means out pretty much all of this sleep strategies that they tell you about and it would take 40 minutes to an hour to get her swaddled in down she sleep about 20 minutes in this 1 all and wake up screaming and this meant that a lot of the things that you typically hear from people like have you heard had driven around in a park 0 yes we tried that that the baby equivalent of how you restart your computer and she also had silent reflects which is essentially baby heartburn except that I you don't actually see the as much as she refused bottle for a long time None of these boded well for a seamless transition back to work and as you can see from this early photo for her strollers were great for carrying everything except the baby and she often would only fall asleep if you were on a long walk on and in contrast to how she slept if we tried swallowing her and putting her in a crowbar bassinet on she would sleep for a couple hours at a time in a carrier I No problem the
the other reality was that I felt more but then than I expected by at 12 weeks I didn't feel ready to just enter the I'm I love my job but I wanted to be there for this
and for this and for this but like I
said I I really love my job and so how could I make this work well the engineer and he was like
OK well this is this part of it the I I would say it on a the ball which was 1 of the ways that we could get her to fall asleep without permeable and carrier in and work on my laptop is actually I think when I was still on maternity leave in a chat program Craig and she joint and you she still seems to think that I'm mentioned of in your what a judge of character have exactly so this I think was about 2 months and and so to try a
bunch of different things because 1st remote work and and I've been very fortunate to have a flexible work environment and manager and and that is something that strongly advocating for in this talk a flexible work environments I hope everyone and especially with retaining talent and I'll reiterate this point at the end but if my only choice had been I go back 2 commuting to work 5 days a week in be in office I'm at 12 weeks the decision would have been a lot harder and I was able to continue working remotely for as long as I felt they needed to after my was over this gave me more time to adjust and figure out what would work for me longer term but I didn't feel any pressure to return to the Office for I was ready and so this is something that I am very very grateful for and that is something I I just can't express how quarterback fields have been able to do that I and I want to strongly advocate if your employer I have policies in place like this and you will retain employees and I also was fortunate to have some family support who from in wants to I live nearby and so they were able to actually watch it a couple days a week and and provide a better transition because she was familiar with them already the I and last thing that I would say for my story it is daycare is not necessarily the only option and it wasn't realistic for me to especially they got older and this honestly all the time it was realistic for me to only work while she slept on she's getting more active and you more attention but I was still able to work the during her afternoon naps we looked at daycares full and part-time in the Bay area and really around the country those are pretty expensive and have long waiting lists so we also looked at the cost of it we had no what we can and to the we looked at the cost of a the the the the the don't you at the but not to get the at its it would be a consider whether having a hard time babysitter in any kind consistently is something that is an option because of for me and other parents that talks to the cost connected the equivalent OMB for for us to significantly less than people and they care while I was able to work from home and have someone come to watch her in the morning 3 days a week so what does this look like today but I work from home 3 days a week which are and health care in the mornings on those days so I get up yeah ready on it drop I work are upstairs and someone else what server that time period in the afternoon on I get a little bit of time with her and work during her often I commute to the office 2 days a week now but will Pollock new change of as I work during the afternoon now I also work evenings on after that time and on weekends if needed I don't advocate anyone work on weekends in general but if that's but that's what's been working for me to be able to spend time with my daughter and is of all the retirement continues to change I started only going in the office 1 day a week when I felt comfortable I moved to 2 days when I spoke under with that at some point article she probably will go interval and healthcare on but it's something there were taking advantage of and so that still
seems harder so how to How do I actually do it so this is a problem the slide a lot you were hoping to see use some time management tips that I come across and the first one is I can do it all I have put some things on hold that I and it I I realize that this the temporary thing airlines now that things will change mapping the the size forever 5 months ago she you can even crawl so this all goes by very quickly 2nd thing is all you have to sleep I I I relied heavily on caffeine before I got pregnant on printed out almost completely because here's a non-specific having a fragment of although there are things that the last thing that anyone wants is a a caffeinated baby so I still don't bring much caffeine although I had find something good let me sleep of and when I was only getting when she was 40 days old uh I was very adamant about will never sleep with us and but and I learned how to do it more of but I want something that they have more thickly the official recommendation from the American Academy of Pediatrics is you never proofread but they do you figured revise the recommendations of insanity until now they right to you at the end of birdies more would have to full time who wasn't as you know things never go quite as planned but when it gets the see that's and the last point on this is a be kind yourself because things don't always go according to plan it and having health is important I learning get in the zone fast this is probably something that anyone can use but regardless of parenting status a taking notes all the time and plenty of 4 is something that I do much better now I thought it was important before I became apparent but now if I'm trying to get in his own hands I know I only have 2 hours to work and I develop strategies for keeping track of what I've been working on so basically that works is that matching work this to the situation but what I what I've been doing is instead of tackling the coding problem like I might have in the past where I would would write down a general outline and ants and mapped out what I wanted to do but maybe we out some details and I now mapped out in much more detail up from what I want to do on the hands John try and try not to do it as encoding which is always good practice but when I had my mora more slack time I guess I would put it on I I I could get away with not lining up front as much now in order to get in his own very quickly I have to have broken things up into very small chance so that I'm able to say OK this is the next small chunk that I need to work on in order to accomplish as much bigger project so I break things up into tiny chunks and work on those when I have time anticipating that there will be interruptions and breaks and flows and this is also potentially detect for anyone who works in an open office environment and for a place where you might get interrupted more frequently than you would like as a programmer because let's face it we don't all live in ideal conditions would all work in ideal conditions regardless of whether you have a child or not unlike also started using something called Personal kind 1 of which breaks things up into to do so do 1st and done and they had a tool that word on why Greek out all the tasks that need to do and it's only work on 1 thing at a time I used to be very bad multitasking and I'm not perfect even today but I I had this talk is doesn't have enough time to go into the details of personal common but it's been very helpful for me in terms of working as a strategy for keeping track of what I need to do and so getting it to a done place it concentrates mostly on minimizing the number of things that you have in progress so don't multitask and I've actually been really surprised at when I started taking some of these time management things seriously and not multitasking at how much I was able to get done I I have found myself to be significantly worse off blessing
is be present from when I'm with my family I do my best to concentrate my energy on being there when I'm working for giving a talk I do my best to focus on that I can only do 1 thing at a time so notice the 2 pictures the outside the side they so I because you can't do more than 1
thing at a time so what are the
takeaways from this it 1 I am in St. grateful for what I have and wanted to take the time to share my story with others in case it might help someone else out there but everyone wants to contribute in this world I don't know anyone and who really just wants to sit back and say let things happen to them the we need to figure out ways to make it possible for everyone to contribute and and having flexible work schedules and encouraging people that if your programming but that's a career fields where that mean more possible so if you want to have a more flexible work environments consider programming and flexible work schedules retain talent of your employer but see about getting your employees that option regardless of their career fields it's not possible for every job I know that on and not everyone wants that either but if you do want that I've then look at being a programmer as a career field where there are more opportunities for that and adults are individuals and so babies some of them require a little bit more special handling and other the islands lastly lest anyone think that I have it all figured out and altogether I don't I have awful that is where I wonder if I can keep everything going and I question whether and doing the right thing for my family or myself or freedom but I keep going and I try and do the best I can every day and that's all any of us can do so thank you you can find me on
Twitter and under actus initially I'm also at me on LinkedIn and get an every other social media outlet I think on my company is also hiring so feel free to reach out if you're interested and this point I'd love to answer questions FIL and can be so just so what would you have sorry but how many times a view on ended up having to do with say you baby related things like update of all of the keyboard and things like that so what you really that the 1 on the board aside Her reports was silent so most encouraged that I was small I as a parent I have dealt with projectile who fell on my eyes I think the thing is that the keyboard more often is is not the town and everything else is designed on for but there's lots of it a lot of things think you so much for this talk for eta with you is really funny gets an all the time with her and like this is this is kind of a more general question about that the 2nd shift that a lot of women lined of having to work you know we work our day jobs and then we can only do our even jobs as well I know whenever you're working remotely in you your baby with you then is good probably serve a lot of overlap in back and forth with that shit and they and know that I have to send this this is a question other than just you have general thoughts on being and a mom who who is also working full time and splitting those duties with your with your partner and kind of that 2nd shift in general probably notice that have already been studied communication is key like figure out what responsibilities you want to divvy up on if you're both working full time and and you can afford it and agreed to by getting help for non related activities or being related activities and paying for it even if it's short term and you're like OK will do this for the 1st year and not do it afterwards can be insanely helpful but it's actually study also then there was actually a study that I was done recently where I think they paid people come 40 dollars verses just paying for them to have 40 dollars per take out there just paying for takeout or paying for someone to clean the house for them and the people who had it was had the service or the takeout or the house planes from were happier with the people who just got 40 dollars to the conclusion that drew from that and then also the the unreliable is that the people under value I know how much they would appreciate having some type of service like that I feel a little weird actually recommending that because so many people have different circumstances and you that's not possible for a lot of people that but if you're both working full time then that and you can that's something people consider I know there are people and I have to be shattered so it just what I think is so much for sharing your personal story with us think it's really brave and it's just possible that you have the confidence to that of my question about it uh being apparent in work at the same time is have you noticed that you've come up with more creative problem of pre creative solutions to problems in your work now of being a parents in has it impacted your creativity of thank you the it's kind of a vague question but on maybe being forced to take some more breaks his help with that should also because I've been kicking sleep more seriously because they don't have the option to make it up time and I think it OK that may be contributing as well to me being more creative I think that the values are actually I know and evaluate the importance of sleep before I a child have so thank you the this is something the and I think that people in the next OK then that's it then the jury much thank you all very much worse than the the way the and