Why is dealing with dates and time so difficult? Well, it's because time has a very sordid history. Join us on a deep dive into that history, and how that history affects the data modelling and APIs we use every day. Here's a fun experiment: Mention timezones within earshot of any experienced programmer. Now wait until the profanity stops. Handling dates and time is an incredibly common requirement in computer applications. That's hardly surprising - we all use computers to record when we did old things, track how long things take, and to plan when we're going to do things. So why is dealing with time so difficult? Well, it's because time has a very sordid history. What we even think of as time has changed. In this talk, you'll travel through time, and see the impact that two thousand years of history have had on our modern life. You'll be shown how all this wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey history stuff affects the data modelling and APIs we use on a daily basis. This is going to take... some time.