DEF CON 101 - The Panel
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DEF CON 26255 / 322
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00:00
Level (video gaming)Source code
01:10
BitComputer animation
01:56
Instance (computer science)Multiplication sign
02:35
Multiplication sign2 (number)
03:13
God
04:01
System callBlock (periodic table)Right angleGraph coloringSlide ruleMultiplication signDisk read-and-write headRule of inferenceData conversionBlock (periodic table)Closed setBitFamilyHacker (term)Auditory maskingSquare numberEuler anglesOpen setLecture/Conference
06:28
Slide ruleMultiplication signInformationGoodness of fit
08:03
Multiplication signRule of inferenceSubsetTouchscreenBasis <Mathematik>Right angleWireless LANSpacetime
09:31
Hacker (term)Slide ruleDisk read-and-write headHacker (term)Wireless LANMobile appMultiplication signNumberComputer fileComputer animation
10:42
FreewareDifferenz <Mathematik>CuboidGame theoryPlanningRow (database)Arithmetic meanComputer animation
12:45
Hacker (term)Reading (process)VideoconferencingHacker (term)VideoconferencingSource codeOnline helpMobile app
13:30
Broadcast programmingGoogolHacker (term)Hacker (term)Process (computing)Multiplication signMathematicsNumberRight angleSystem callWhiteboard
15:07
Reflektor <Informatik>RootWireless LANHacker (term)Computer hardwareVirtual machineVotingInformation privacyDifferent (Kate Ryan album)Information securityNeuroinformatikEmailAreaAdditionFeedbackFigurate numberFörderverein International Co-Operative Studies
16:39
System callCryptographyComputer animation
17:31
Demo (music)Event horizonHacker (term)FlagMotion captureDemo (music)AreaEvent horizon
19:01
Hacker (term)Uniqueness quantificationHacker (term)
19:49
Local GroupInheritance (object-oriented programming)PlastikkarteForceLatent heatMultiplication signRow (database)Right anglePlastikkarteCausality
21:21
Coefficient of determination2 (number)NumberVideoconferencingMultiplication signBookmark (World Wide Web)Open setWordRight angleDoubling the cubeFreewareShared memoryMereologyType theoryInformation
24:18
Cartesian closed categoryGodPhysical law
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System callWhiteboardInternet forumSinc functionOrder (biology)Real numberElectronic mailing listSlide ruleQuicksortComputer animation
27:01
Event horizonSlide rule
27:59
Line (geometry)Bookmark (World Wide Web)Local ringFiber (mathematics)BootingBackupPurchasing1 (number)Goodness of fitSemiconductor memoryBit rateInformation securityRule of inferenceLaptopEvent horizonSampling (statistics)ConsistencyPhysical systemComputer scienceSpreadsheetAlphabet (computer science)Radio-frequency identificationBoss CorporationMereology19 (number)Decision tree learningRight angleMusical ensembleSystem callMultiplication signNetwork socketDifferent (Kate Ryan album)Type theoryInheritance (object-oriented programming)Graph coloringProcess (computing)Food energyLevel (video gaming)PasswordChaos (cosmogony)InformationDeterminantBitHacker (term)Computer-assisted translationReal numberStudent's t-testIdentifiabilitySocial classGodArithmetic meanInternet forumDemo (music)PlastikkarteNeuroinformatikDegree (graph theory)Coroutine2 (number)Representation (politics)State of matter
Transcript: English(auto-generated)
00:00
Welcome, everyone, to the DEFCON Diversity Panel. Nobody. All right. Welcome, everybody, to DEFCON 101, the panel. I'm not going to talk about the level of hate that was just exposed right there.
00:21
So how many people have never been to DEFCON before? Raise your hands. All the news. Welcome. It is actually super exciting to see that many people. You know, every year DEFCON grows.
00:40
I've been coming since 2002, coming to DEFCON, parenthesis, since 2002, since we're not doing phrasing today. And every year it gets better. About a decade ago, HighWiz started DEFCON 101
01:00
as a way to kind of introduce people to DEFCON and teach them, you know, what to expect. So first, welcome to Las Vegas. Please pace yourselves. That squirrel is for you, Jericho.
01:21
Oh, there's more. I don't know how many middle fingers you have. Seriously, for those of you who have never been to Las Vegas before, it can be a little bit overwhelming. It's very shiny, very distracting. So definitely pace yourselves. DEFCON is a few days, so you don't want to shoot your wad on the first day.
01:50
Not advancing. There we go. Look, this is what I needed anyway. I needed Clippy.
02:03
So we're going to talk about being a noob. Everybody's a noob at something. We're all noobs. We all consider ourselves noobs and embrace that. Noob has had a bad connotation for a long time, but this is one of those instances where if you're a noob, that's okay,
02:22
because you shouldn't DJF. Don't give a fuck. If you're a noob, that just means that you have an opportunity to learn, and you should take that opportunity to learn. So we're going to talk about the countdown for surviving DEFCON. Is anybody here familiar with this countdown?
02:42
One or two people? Yep, three, two, one. So seriously, take it seriously. Three, get at least three hours sleep a night. My first DEFCON, I spent 16 hours a day in a CTF. The second year I was here, they decided that the CTF was going to run 24 hours a day.
03:04
And I will tell you from experience that it's not fun when you try to fly back to the East Coast and try to adjust your time. Eat at least two meals a day. For those of you who may have low blood sugar problems or high blood sugar problems,
03:21
make sure that you eat healthy meals a day. They offer healthy meals in the chill out room. And for God's sake, please bathe at least once a day. It is the desert, and you are going to be hot. And if you go outside, you're going to sweat. You're going to sweat in the hallways. I was sweating just getting here.
03:41
So it's kind of challenging. So please, wash your hands too. I was just in the bathroom, walked out of the bathroom. After washing my hands, I watched two people walk right out of the bathroom. Just go to the bathroom, walk right out. Please, you know, I'm not interested in anybody that may have stinky pee hands.
04:05
So again, this is the desert. Stay hydrated. Thank you for this slide. If your pee is the last color on the right, you are in trouble.
04:25
There is an emergency care, not too far, urgent care, not too far from here. So getting back to washing your hands. How many people have been to DEFCON before? How many have been to DEFCON before and then had a horrible disease afterwards?
04:42
Or during. Or during. Roamer. Last year. Fist your friends. Fist them often. It's actually kind of funny.
05:00
I have this little square up there about how fisting is 90% less likely to relay germs. Which is kind of funny, you know. Because I also see people when they fist the door to open the bathroom door. Anyway. But please, make sure that you practice good hygiene.
05:21
This is Dick. Dick's a hacker. Can you tell Dick's a hacker? He's got a bad attitude. Might be Jericho under that ski mask. Basically I'm going to give you guys some rules. Some things that I think are basic guidelines that you should focus on.
05:41
And try to make your DEFCON experience a little bit better. So the first one, here are the basics. Hold the door open. Don't let a door close on somebody. It's just plain rude. And keep your head up. I know that a lot of you would be shocked to know that there are a lot of people walking around on their phones not paying attention.
06:05
In fact they probably walk right into you. So pay attention as well. Keep your head up, pay attention. And don't block the hallway. The hallway is not the place to hold a family reunion. If you run into somebody that you haven't seen in a long time and you want to have a conversation with them, take it off to the side.
06:22
These hallways are tiny so please try and make it a little bit easier for people. Do not, I repeat, do not be an asshat. Don't ruin people's time. You're here at DEFCON to learn, you're here at DEFCON to have a good time. And DEFCON is both of those things.
06:40
It is fun and educational. But there are going to be those people on occasion that are going to ruin it for everybody. If you see somebody harassing somebody, speak up. Or if you're not comfortable speaking up, grab one of our red shirt goons. If you see somebody that is just straight up being drunk and belligerent, same thing.
07:04
These are not circumstances where you need to deal with it. You don't want it to ruin other people's time. And nobody should just turn a blind eye to it. Please don't heckle. You can heckle at this one. This is interactive. If you want to say rude stuff, you can.
07:22
These guys will shortly. But please don't heckle the other speakers. Excuse me, it's a DEFCON tradition to heckle. It really is. Stadler and Waldorf. Thank you. Please don't heckle.
07:40
If you disagree with something, speak with the speaker afterwards. You might be surprised that you don't know something. That that speaker may actually have information. And you may learn something if you want to speak with that speaker afterwards. But please don't just scream in the middle of anybody's talk.
08:05
Not all hugs are accepted. Well I'm fucking trying. Calm the fuck down.
08:21
Jesus Christ. Heckling already. I don't know. For fuck's sake, he just had the rule on the screen. But I will say, Jericho heckled us so much at a panel one time that we said fuck it and just brought him up and put him on the panel. So if you want to be a speaker, maybe heckling is the way to go. It might be.
08:40
Give it a shot. See how well that works out for you. My seat's available for $20. What else will you do for $20? I think this is the first year that we've had those monitors in the middle of the room. I looked up and we see the back of it from up here. I'm like why the fuck is this in Spanish?
09:06
I'm just making sure that you guys are done. We can keep going. Okay. You may continue. So please, you know, respect other people's space. If you know somebody and you hug them on a regular basis, obviously hug them.
09:24
If you see somebody and this is the first time you've met them, you might want to reconsider. All right. Phones and wireless. Everybody's got a phone. So seriously, this is a hacker convention. Chances are you need to use your head.
09:43
Disable your wireless if you need to. Please don't connect to his wireless. Anybody, you hear the horror stories about oh, you've got to get a burner phone. Burner phones still have wireless if they're hooked up to all your apps and everything.
10:00
It's still going to mess you up. So use your head. Along with that, pictures. Everybody's phone has a camera. So you will be in a picture. Again, take that into account. I can't tell you the number of times that I've just walked down the hall and watched people with their cameras up above their heads, their phones, up above their heads filming everything.
10:25
So if you don't want to be in a picture, that's cool. You can put a hand over your face. You can buy one of those crazy IR visors. Pyro had them last year. Or you could just simply say please delete that file.
10:42
Pack their phones and delete it. Fair game. Another squirrel. Not everything is free. It was kind of funny this morning because I was watching and some people were walking around and just sorting through boxes. And that's not your stuff.
11:02
So if you see something, that doesn't mean that it's free. It doesn't mean that you can pick it up. So please make sure that... Just be a good citizen. That one, I can't really say too much about this. So who wants some free stuff? You want to do that now?
11:21
Whoa, whoa! These will put an eye out, so cover your eyes when he throws.
11:58
All of you guys in the front rows.
12:01
Do you know who Gallagher is? There will be more stuff thrown.
12:31
I have these guys to mess things up. Just when things are getting boring.
12:42
Okay, let's go back to have a plan. Anybody that was in here before our talk heard about Hacker Tracker. And Hacker Tracker is an awesome app. It's going to help you out. Also, try to plan, use your programs, and try to identify where you want to be.
13:02
Because you're not going to be able to be everywhere. So the source of knowledge, are they still called the source of knowledge, Nikita? All right, so the sound of knowledge. TSOK, it doesn't matter. They're going to be somewhere where you'll be able to buy the videos.
13:22
So don't freak out. If you can't make it to the next talk, it's going to be okay. You guys will all be okay. There we go, I already blew it. We talked about Hacker Tracker. Nice job, Mike. Premature. Sorry. All right, so the talks.
13:41
There are a lot of really good talks. I am on the call for papers review board. I don't know who else wants to admit it. But if you see one of these orange badges, that's what that means. We spent 800 hours. Wait, isn't this the CFP rubric? Every member of the panel is on the board.
14:00
Well, I didn't know if everybody wanted to admit it. I'm not. Not anymore. So we spent a lot of time. It's essentially a part-time job, and then it becomes a full-time job right before the end of all the talks being accepted. We spent a lot of time trying to figure out which talks are going to be good, which talks are not.
14:24
We get talks upwards well beyond 550 talks that are submitted. 543. 543. It was 551. Doesn't matter. He won the bet, so he's sticking with the number even though the number changed.
14:45
Oh, really? No, no, I won the bet. Because the talks were full? No, no, no. Honestly, because on Basecamp I created the post, and then I changed your number, and that's how I won the bet. Ah, okay. Anyway, so we take a lot of pride in the talks.
15:04
Hopefully you guys are going to have a good time. Um, villages. There are, as you can see, quite a few villages, and villages have grown. Back up a step. If you attend a talk, and you really like it or really dislike it, please give feedback. Yes?
15:21
You want me to give your email address? Yeah, hiwhiz at? hiwhiz at gmail dot com. There you go. Thanks, buddy. Talks at DefCon dot org. Just email talks at DefCon dot org. Okay, lots of villages. Villages are awesome because it goes beyond a talk. Villages actually give you an opportunity to get hands-on experience with a lot of the different aspects.
15:47
And I've highlighted a few here. The ICS village, they've grown, and this is an area of interest. If you're trying to figure out where you want to go in computer security and hacking,
16:04
there is a dearth of people that can do ICS hacking, so you might want to consider that. We have the blue team village, which is brand new this year. If you're thinking that you're defensive-minded, the blue team village would be for you. Lock pick village is always cool because that's an opportunity for people to learn how to pick locks.
16:23
And who doesn't need to pick a lock every once in a while? Sorry, I was hearing whispering next to me. And then there's soldering skills village, which probably will come in handy with these badges. In addition, there are workshops.
16:41
These workshops are truly hands-on. Oftentimes the workshops are filled up well in advance, but this is something to look for in the future. The workshops are just like the call for papers. We go through, how many of those do we have? A hundred and something?
17:02
About that. A hundred and something. Anyway, it's one of those opportunities for people to sit down and actually learn. Cryptography, they can learn. Blockchain, many other buzzwords. And then you get an opportunity to actually do the work.
17:21
Every single instructor actually does work, and they are all instructor-led labs. They are not lectures. On the other side of that, there are demo labs. Demo labs, we've got contests, we've got events. There is a lot of stuff that happens at DEF CON.
17:40
That is why we are as big as we are. That is why we are across Las Vegas Boulevard, because DEF CON is as big as it is. Quite honestly, there truly is too much for us to list with regards to contests and events. For the demo labs, it's an opportunity to actually see some of these tools that people are releasing.
18:02
So, Hi-Wiz, did you have something you would like to... an additional event? Oh, the QueerCon stuff? Yeah. Anybody gay here? I'm being serious. I have three QueerCon passes, if someone wants to come up and get them.
18:23
Yeah, come on up. First three to make it. Yeah, first three. Start pushing. Look, she even came with a rainbow on her shirt. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. With the rainbow on the shirt.
18:43
I'm just throwing this once. I'm gay. I can't throw. I'm glad you made the joke. Alright, here's an area that everybody loves to take advantage of.
19:05
SWAG and Vendors. Vendors opens tomorrow, SWAG was open today. This is where you get all your DEFCON stuff. Whether you get DEFCON branded stuff or the Vendors is an actual vendor hall. It was actually started...
19:23
DEFCON 4, right, Romer? Sure. Okay. And then Romer took it over shortly after and it became this awesome thing. But Vendors, the vendor hall, every vendor that's in there offers something to the hacker community.
19:41
It may be commercial, but they offer something to the hacker community. I'm trolling. I'm trolling. He's hoping. The mic is too far away. He doesn't have an opportunity. No, it's right in front of him. Oh, no, I was trolling Shaggy. Oh, okay. Cause we weren't listening to you.
20:01
Surprise. I've lost half the crowd. You are droning on and on. It's been a long fucking time of me not talking. It's the fucking drone village up here. Alright, we're getting close. The drone village, I liked it, yeah. He's been paying attention. Alright, Tara Wheeler Van Vlack, she said this about a week ago, two weeks ago maybe.
20:25
Anyone worth knowing has imposter syndrome. One of the things that's very difficult being in this industry is hanging out with a bunch of really smart people and feeling like you're dumb. Well, you know, that happens. We're all smart, but we're all noobs too.
20:43
So if you're hanging out with these guys, who I'm humbled to hang out with because of how smart they are. Some of the people in the front row over here too. You know, it's challenging. Especially when they start talking about stuff and I'm like, yep, I watched football.
21:04
But it's alright because just remember that if you're hanging out with those people, you're hanging out with them for a reason. You're not just the guy who pays for pizza every single time or the one who can buy beer. They're hanging out with you for a specific reason.
21:21
Because you're attractive? Yes, it could be. I'm the face. Alright, so we're getting close to the end for those of you who are excited about getting close to the end of this. I am going to issue a double dog dare. I'm skipping right over the dare part.
21:42
Double dog dare you. Reach out. I want you to put yourself out there and I want you to find someone that you share. Something that you share. I want you to actually take a minute right now. Probably going to be more than a minute because there's going to be a lot of talking. Introduce yourself to your neighbors. Mike, did you say find someone to share?
22:02
With. I know that the word with came out. Introduce yourself. Come on, seriously.
22:21
I see a lot of people shaking hands. Remember to fist your friends, not shake their hands. This is what happens between all the videos. It's very different, huh? Alright, awesome. Now that you have 2,000 new friends, this is an opportunity for you.
22:43
Hey guys, seriously. Murmur, murmur, murmur, murmur. Everybody stop introducing yourself now. Everybody, Romer would like to say something.
23:00
Actually, I do want to say something. I'm mesmerized by this fucking for the deaf people thing. I always have to do it because essentially I'm a 12 year old. Just give me two seconds. I just want to say shit, fuck, Satan, death, sex, drugs. Just because I love watching them fucking have to type it.
23:21
It gives me joy and glee. Oh yeah, I fucking forgot Satan. He's my favorite. Alright guys, settle down. Please. Or else.
23:41
In this room, after this talk, there will be a party. You will have an opportunity to talk to all your friends when that happens, okay? Cool. I'm really excited actually at the number of people that took the time to talk and introduce yourselves. You'd be shocked at how good that is going to work out for you.
24:03
Getting to know people, getting an opportunity to exchange information, to share people, or share with people, you will have an opportunity to actually expand your knowledge really quick. It's great to know that you're that open.
24:22
Now, here we go. I'm going to go ahead and up the ante. Do something that you have never done before. Go try one of the villages. Go to a party. I know where you were headed with that phrasing. Put a disclaimer on it, come on. No, no, it's Vegas. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. If it's illegal, don't get caught at Con at least.
24:42
Yes, please, okay. I should. I should have been more specific. When you do something that you have never done before, please don't do things that are illegal. It is Def Con. Hack the law.
25:06
I would like to see a show of hands. People who are really nervous, people who have never been here before by themselves and are uncomfortable introducing themselves. Show of hands. Come on, this won't target. It's not a target.
25:23
Come on, those elbows bend. I see a few of you. Try it. Really, seriously, reach out. At the very least, you can come up here and you can talk to the panel. Personally, I get scared to death to do that. So, it'll be, hi, how you doing? I'm Mike.
25:43
Uncomfortable silence. Thank God, prevented that. You were fast, too. All right, so I'd like to introduce you to the panel. As we go down, they did not sit in the order that I have on the slide, so if they could raise their hands.
26:01
Hi, Wiz. The panel moderator wasn't here at the start of this when we sat down to tell us where to go. I don't think you should blame us. The next one down is Jericho. Next down is Suggie. These people's real names are, you can.
26:22
Sitting next to Suggie is Romer. Sitting next to Romer is Nikita. And definitely not the least is Shaggy. Every single one of these people, since they've already mentioned it, is on the Call for Papers review board. There are many other members of the Call for Papers review board, but we are happy to talk about that as well afterwards.
26:49
We can give you advice on how to submit a talk, how you know that your talk will immediately get declined. You know, those sort of things. It's a long list.
27:01
One of the other things that I brought up to start, this is our 10th anniversary. So, what we are going to do here, this is the last DEFCON 101 panel. It's okay. Because next year we're going to do the DEFCON 101 Village.
27:20
There's enough. Because if there's one thing DEFCON needs, it's more villages. What was that? Because DEFCON definitely needs more villages. They do need more villages. The interesting thing is, there are enough events and things that just don't make it. But for noobs, it's a perfect opportunity.
27:40
Nikita just said she did not approve of DEFCON 101 Village. Oh yeah, we did not tell her before we put that slide out. We were just dropping the bomb thing. Okay, so we have a tradition, and this will be the last one. Name that noob. Having a hacker handle is something of an honor, right?
28:04
Most people have one for themselves that they picked out or that they were given. Like if you're Shaggy6943551 because there were 66,000 other Shaggy's ahead of you.
28:20
There are lots of other ways to get handles, but earning a handle is a great way to do it. I'm going to tell you a quick story, and I'm disappointed because my friend is not here. Oftentimes, handles are earned by not doing something smart. I have a friend that Romer and I used to work with many years ago.
28:44
His handle is WAD, and he hates that handle. He tried a lot of different ways to get rid of that handle. He even tried calling him Robetracker. Robetracker, that was the first one. But he spelled it wrong, so it was Rouge Tracker, which of course made it worse.
29:04
So he got the handle first. We had to give a very important demo, and his job was to type in the password. He chose to type in password, but he left the R out. Twice.
29:20
So he was password for quite a bit of time. Then we went to a club that had a lot of black lights. What kind of club was it, Mike? It was a club that involved dancing.
29:41
Can you show us how they danced? This is after the party. And he had a shirt on that we're going to go ahead and say, the tide had not completely washed out of that shirt. And Romer asked him why he wore his WAD shirt to the club.
30:04
And he was WAD ever since, and he still is WAD. I say all of this, and I tell you this story because it's for fun. When somebody gets a handle, we don't call you Red Button because that's a really bad thing to be called.
30:20
We call you Red Button because you shouldn't have pressed the red button. And we are going to pick on you a little bit. We're not going to call anybody any bad names or anything like that. This is all in good fun. And you should plan on using your handle from here forward.
30:44
So Shaggy is our ambassador. I'm going to have Shaggy go out into the crowd and pick out 25 people. And we are going to limit it to 25 people. Alright, HiWiz is going to go out too. That need a handle. That need a handle. They need a handle. They want a handle.
31:01
And I really am encouraging people that are not used to doing this, people that might be a little bit introverted, looking for a handle, and hopefully it will happen quicker than this. Does this signify that the droning of Mike is coming to an end?
31:21
Fucking A. Drone village almost over. Just because we have two and a half hours for this doesn't mean you need to make it feel like an eternity. Okay. You know, while they're identifying some people to come up here, I'm actually going to ask the panel a couple of questions because this is what I was supposed to do in the first place.
31:41
So thank God this is the last one. Hey Nikita. Nikita, what's your favorite part of DEF CON? My favorite part of DEF CON actually is, believe it or not, the consistency. And that may seem a little unusual because it is such a chaotic event,
32:02
but to me the chaos is consistency and the ability to see all of the people that I love the most. Every year I can count on that and I can count on this show and I can count on the energy and all these people raising their hands and being excited and just wanting to be at DEF CON and that's what I love the most,
32:25
the consistency of the show. I love that the most. I think that's awesome. Hey Romer, what's your favorite part of DEF CON? The flight home.
32:41
I really drink a lot. I don't have that many memories of DEF CON. That is true. That is true. I don't know. That's really difficult. This is the 19th DEF CON that I've been to, so there's a lot of memories over that time. There's a lot of good ones and there's a lot of really shitty ones too.
33:02
I guess probably if I had to nail it down, probably my favorite memory is selfish, which makes sense because I'm severely egotistical and narcissistic, but I would say probably doing the Goon Band at the 303 party. Awesome. I did mention it, but I'll mention it again.
33:27
If you're not one of the lucky people in this line, come see us afterwards. We're happy to listen to you. We're happy to talk to you. We're happy to pick on you and give you a handle. There are some prizes, so you might want to consider it.
33:42
Again, I'll put it out there for people that have coins that want to exchange. You might find that one of the noobs in this line has a coin. Not everybody will. We're going to see how good the stories are to make a determination. Hold on, sorry to interrupt you one more quick. I'm starting to feel really bad because I'm not bullshit.
34:01
I'm totally mesmerized by that thing, but every time I look at it, Nikita thinks I'm gazing into her eyes. She's leaning back, like, what the fuck are you doing? Hey, Shaq, can you help these people come on up? No, no, no, no. Piggyback ride. One at a time, bring them up. Okay.
34:21
So, guys, here's how this is going to go. What we're looking for from you, and the panel is going to ask also, what we're looking for from you is things that people don't know about you. Tell us some information. I don't want to know if you have more than two cats
34:40
or if your favorite color is purple. Those are the things that everybody knows. Tell us something that people don't know, something that we're going to be able to try and identify, something that's going to make you stand out and make you unique, and I am happy that you are the first person to come on up. I want your secrets.
35:04
All right, go ahead and introduce yourself to the audience. Hey, we've got a real moderator. What's your name? Nicole. And where are you from, Nicole? Florida. Okay.
35:22
Nicole, what brought you to DEFCON? My husband. He's come to see us a lot, so I just came to see it. What are you most looking forward to doing at DEFCON this year? The same answer, this.
35:42
I do find it very fascinating. I want to learn whatever I can in these few days. All right, so tell us something that people don't know about you. Hmm, how about that I just came up with my own alphabet just for fun?
36:06
Sample, sample. We need to hear it. No, sing it. Oh, it's not spoken? No. Oh, maybe it should be. Maybe that should be made up shit. Good thing. Okay, so tell us something else.
36:21
Tell us something embarrassing, come on. Oh, okay. Oh, let's see here. Do you think well on your feet? Not really. Yeah, as far as what people wouldn't know, I'm kind of...
36:53
We know your handle. We know your handle already, it's improv.
37:11
Hey, everybody. Say hi to improv.
37:20
Next victim. Good, introduce yourself. What's your name? Where are you from? Hi, I'm Andy. I'm originally from Pittsburgh, but I live in Seattle now. Okay. Yeah, so what's next?
37:42
Represent. All right, so tell us something about yourself that people don't know. All right, so I'm pretty big into sports, but the biggest sports-related injury I've ever had was I got smashed between two golf carts. It was pretty bad.
38:03
What's your favorite sport team and least favorite sport team? Ooh, favorite sport team, probably the Pittsburgh Penguins. Five times Stanley Cup champion. Least favorite sport team. As opposed to your six-time Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers?
38:24
Oh, thank you for that. I forgot. Least favorite probably Philadelphia Flyers. Okay, get some claps for that. I'm good with that.
38:41
I asked my job to send me here, and they were like, yeah, and I was like, are you fucking serious? Why did you ask them, and why did you want to come? I think, you know, just the overall experience. I've heard so much through the grapevine from friends who've come to this conference before, and just the overall experience, and just wanted to dive in and kind of take it all in.
39:05
Wait, wait, you want to dive in and take it all in? That's what I heard you say, right? Caught onto that one. Yeah, my background is in information security.
39:29
Puck is your handle. Yeah, I'll take it. I was down here saying the same thing, and then passed it down to you? Seriously? Nikita had the same idea. What? You gave it? Oh, fuck, fuck.
39:40
Yo, nice. All right, hold on a second. We got a couple of these for you. Come on. Thanks. Or we lose it. Hey, Puck. You know the routine. Cool. My name's Max Doolin. I'm a student at Gonzaga University, and I cannot believe they're giving us funding to come to this conference right now.
40:01
I'm stupid, huh? Yeah, how stupid is that? Gosh. I'm a skier sports guy. I play competitive dodgeball and competitive woofleball. So we can see you on the ocho? Yes, ESPN ate the ocho. I got a bad injury. I was coaching Babe Ruth baseball,
40:21
and I took a ball to the face and cracked a bunch of my eye socket. It was pretty nasty. If you want to see, I can show you pictures later. It's pretty funny. Tell us an embarrassing story. I thought that was an embarrassing story. Okay. We've all got hit in the face with lots of balls, all right?
40:44
I've got dumped the day before Valentine's Day, not once, but twice. I've bought chocolates both times. Not a good thing. You're right. It is, yeah.
41:01
Strikeout? I like it. Strikeout! Hey, Strikeout, hold on. See me after this. I did not want that to be your embarrassing story. I am Ava from New York. Anyone else?
41:25
A little bit closer. My name is Ava, and I'm from New York. City. State is very different.
41:41
What brings you here? I just graduated college, so I wanted to learn more about security. What did you get a degree in? Computer science. Where'd you go? Brooklyn College. CUNY? Anyone? No one's here from New York.
42:03
All right, so let's learn a little bit more about you. I do want to know what your favorite color is, and why. I love blue. We have a sample here. I'm all blue today. I love blue.
42:20
It's very calming. You're clearly quite agitated, so... I'm what? You're clearly quite agitated, so... Can we be friends? Who said that? Nikita. Yes. Hi.
42:40
Hi. I think I've seen you somewhere. That's cool. Actually, I'm around. On a poster at the post office? Was it on a panel on a stage? Maybe. I don't know.
43:01
Geez, she's kind of... She's like... She's like beige. Oh, no. No, not me. Mellow? No. Mellow. We're going to call you Mellow. I opted for Blue York. He said Blue York. Oh, Blue York. Oh, that's a good one. All right, Blue York. There it is.
43:21
Ladies and gentlemen, say hi to Blue York. Next. Oh, this guy is full of energy. All right, you know the routine.
43:41
Yeah, hey, I'm Jeffrey. I go by Jay Blend. I can out nerd anybody in this room. Wait, wait, wait. You go by what? Jay Blend. Wait, wait. Why'd you cut... Yeah, get off the stage. Well, but I'm looking to revamp that, but I can out nerd anybody about Japanese, and the last time I was on stage in front of this many people, I had just learned salsa
44:05
in Cuba, and I fell off the stage because there was rum involved. Is there rum involved now? Yes, I can out nerd anybody about Japan. Do you have rum now?
44:20
Oh, like the... I mean... To share? I don't have any rum right now, but I trained for this event growing up near New Orleans because we start drinking early. Yeah, I'm from 5042. Oh, nice. Yeah, you got a handle.
44:41
Redoing a handle. Not redoing your handle. We're not redoing your handle. One of the rules was if you have a handle, don't come up on stage, okay? So, you got... Any of you guys have handles? Hold on, J. Blin. I'm still gonna give you parting gifts. My boss called me J. Blin because he couldn't say my name.
45:05
Cool story, bro. Great story. Well, what chapter did you SPFP? Okay. Salutations. My name's Dan. I'm from Detroit. I'm sorry. Yeah. Me too.
45:21
Okay, Dan. So, you know, tell us something about yourself. Go on. Chop, chop. This is a lightning round. Uh... Well... Embarrassing or not embarrassing? Yes, embarrassing. Embarrassing, all right. About a month ago, I went to a Slayer concert and entered my first mosh pit
45:41
and got knocked on my ass, lost my glasses, and didn't purchase any more or any new glasses for like three weeks until a Marilyn Manson concert. And found a backup pair of glasses and lost the... Had the exact same thing happen, lost my glasses again. Now I just got these yesterday for the conference to make sure I can see,
46:02
and they're too small and my ears hurt. But... That's about it. All right. This panel, fuck, marry, kill. What's that? Fuck, marry, kill. You tell us. Yeah, this panel. Uh... Wait, there's four of you. Can you get multiple...
46:21
All of them, but just pick three and fuck, marry, kill. Who would you fuck, who would you marry, who would you kill? Hmm, shit. I like your beard, so I'll fuck this guy. We can rub beards together. It might be pretty awesome.
46:42
You probably make the most money, so I'll marry you and kill... You asked me to do this, so I'll kill you. All right, there we go. All right. I can't give that even four.
47:09
Let's find out. Let's find out. We were gonna call him dinner, you know? Heap, mosh pit, DD crack?
47:20
There you go. Huh? We don't have that much time. Okay, DD crack? DD crack. DD crack. DD crack. DD crack. And from Detroit, crack your glasses. Yep. All right, I want you to do me a favor. Everybody, please say hi to DD crack.
47:40
See me out there. Thank you. See you after. I'm all right. Hey, everyone. My name's Thi. Looking forward to handle it. People actually can pronounce, and I don't have to explain my name every time. I'm from Vegas.
48:00
Any locals here? No? No? Besides the people I came with? Any locals? No? Okay. Oh, hey. Tell us something funny about yourself. Funny? I came with something embarrassing, not something funny. All right, well, tell us something embarrassing about yourself. So, I don't know if this is particularly embarrassing, but I don't talk about myself a lot, so I guess one thing that people don't know about me is that I really like
48:22
cheese. I'm also known for taking a lot of notes, and I'm very particular, so I actually have a notebook where I document the cheese that I've eaten, and I have a personal rating system for it. Listen, noob. Get into spreadsheets, okay? That's where it's at. You have to bring the notebook to take notes while you're eating the cheese, and then
48:43
you go back home and you enter in the spreadsheet. Okay, yeah. The last spreadsheet I created was about tracking jalapeno poppers in Denver, and which restaurants have the best? Okay, that's amazing. I'm not alone then. All right. What's your favorite animal? It's kind of lame, but Pepper Jack. What's your least favorite?
49:02
I've never met a cheese I don't like. Really? Try harder. I guess. I don't know. Seriously, I've never had cheese I don't like. No, no, you can say it.
49:20
All right. Everybody, say hi to Fromunda. Thank you. Lightning round. Come on. By the way, you guys can help us when we're naming them. If you have ideas, shout them out, all right? Hello, everyone. My name's Craig. I'm from Washington, D.C.
49:45
My most embarrassing thing, I used to work for the UN, and I cut a fiber line and knocked out 750,000 users. Central Africa. And the president of World Bank wanted my resignation.
50:08
Everybody say hi to Blackout.
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