Distributed computing is sexy. Don't believe us? In this talk we'll show you, on a deep, practical level and with lots of (mostly Python) code, how a highly automated and effective computer network attack could be crafted and enhanced with the help of distributed computing over 'Big Data' technologies. Our goal is to demystify the concept of using distributed computing for network attacks over an open source distributed computing cluster (Hadoop). By the end of this highly demo-focused talk you'll have an understanding of how an attacker could use three of our open source custom-written distributed computing attack tools, or easily build their own, to do whatever it is that they're into (we don't judge). Alejandro Caceres (@DotSlashPunk) is a software developer, web application penetration tester, and security researcher. His main interest is in the nexus between distributed computing and network/application attacks. He is the founder of the PunkSPIDER project, presented at ShmooCon 2013, which is an open source project to fuzz the entire Internet's web applications using a Hadoop cluster. He's also the owner of Hyperion Gray, a software development company focused on open source projects in the area of distributed computing as it relates to security. He didn't know how to work in shamelessly mentioning the DARPA Cyber Fast Track research project he is also working on (Web 3.0, also being presented at DEF CON 21), so he just wrote it in at the end of the bio. He is very classy.