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Less Fear, More Optimism

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it would be what it and the and but
I in morning thank you
very much for being here for if you can what you
can dance if you can talk you can say the In other words we are
all artists In other words shut up and dance today I'm gonna tell
you 3 true stories the the 1st story begins when I was 36 years old or broken just divorce unemployed and living in a new city San Francisco where I knew few people I had the quintessential midlife crisis actually was more of a nervous breakdown all I wanted was love a family and creative success I had none of them in the throes of this darkness I began to paint because I enjoyed the movement and the lawlessness of it the I was failing repeatedly to
meet a woman that I connected with so I decided to create a silhouette of the woman that I desired strong and
sexy and confident I
perfected the stencil and then for 2 years I painted her
the if you looked at very closely you notice that the actual outline of each figure was the word now are painted over and over in my finest brush now because time was of the essence I made 35 of these
paintings over 2 years and a month or so after finishing the series I met someone she was bright funny successful she even lived on a
houseboat in Sausalito just over the golden gate bridge but most amazingly of all she looked exactly like the figure in my paintings In fact if she stood before the canvas it was as if I had made a chalk outline of her body the I
married that woman and she remains my wife
13 years later the the 2nd story
begins when we returned from our honeymoon to discover that we were pregnant my wife and I shared a deep and lifelong excitement to have children and we were elated to know that we would soon be 3 on our floating home sadly we had a miscarriage at 9 weeks unfortunate but hardly tragic these things happen all the time we
carried on with our lives mind as a painter she as an advertising executive the and within a few months we were pregnant again again excitement and eagerness to move to the next phase of our lives but then unexpectedly another miscarriage after a few months this 1 hurt literally and figuratively with my wife suffering considerable pain both emotional and physical luckily within a few months we were pregnant again and this time it's stuck at 18 weeks we got a glowing review at the doctor or you are perfectly healthy with the risk factors of a 20 year old the doctor told my 38 year-old wife and if it's a boy a boy well a few days later I was out of town when my wife called she was hysterical it's gone she wailed for no apparent reason during a routine ultrasound she learned there was no heartbeat we lost that baby at 19 weeks it's gone blackness fell upon our
lives total emotional devastation we asked our friends and our family not to call I didn't brush my teeth 4 days the agonizing weeks slowly past and after a few brutal months we reemerged to get on with
our lives 4 months later we decided to try again and we were pregnant immediately getting pregnant was easy staying pregnant was our problem things were different now there was no joy in it just control here my wife told me point blank this is the last time if this pregnancy does not work I cannot handle it again physically or mentally so there was an ultimatum for the single most important event of my life I faced the very high probability that I would not have biological children the time slow down as
if we were living in a Dali painting a bleak landscape were all the clocks were melting my frustration as the man stem from
the fact that there was really nothing that I could do to enhance our prospects I can massage my wife's feet in the data but that's about it it's all on her then to add insult to injury at 28 weeks she had severe pains which require hospitalization we were at risk for premature birth they told us and we were told that she had to be on Strik bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy for the next 12 weeks she was not to get up off the bed except to go to the toilet so I became her manservant I had to be the strong 1
in this relationship but my mental state was breaking down as well in desperation I went back to the studio I began a painting called belts as in bouncing baby it featured colorful moltaí faceted balls of joy falling from heaven into the pathways of our lives the pathways were made of antique Betty Crocker cookbook pages egg recipes for fertility the I made
a series of these works all while attending to my wife's daily needs keeping a picture of water by her bedside peeling the oranges cooking and cleaning
at 35 weeks in 1 of the biggest storms in 50 years our house but nearly some and I xi managed this crisis my wife's water broke not like this I can't do it like this she said through tears I grabbed her shoulders you can do this I've got you we rushed to the hospital and a few hours later qi was born 5 weeks
early but perfect the the 3rd story balloon begin 6 years later in Miami we have moved there a few years earlier to have our 2nd child with my heart career limping along I had to go back to a real job to pay the
bills to keep my creative muscles moving I've been writing a book about the experiences i've sharing with you now as I was nearing the
completion of that book in the summer of 2014 a very clear idea popped into my head the In idea with the intention of ensuring the success of that book so this was a large hot red paintings painting called called the best books ever written in which I
would d construct all of the literary masterpiece is I had ever red and place within them the title page of my book so that it would be confused with the magic of the world's finest literary mines and become 1 of the best books ever written I dove into this piece with verve and then the phone rang and notable local artist was putting the group
show together for Art Basel Miami and wanted to invite me into the show I had not been in a serious show in years so I was thrilled fast forward a few
months to the friday before Art Basel Miami begins this is the biggest and most illustrious week of art in America the entire world descends on Miami to see what's what in the art scene I'm sitting in a coffee house that morning when I received a text from a friend that said congratulations that's really great news I had no idea what he was talking about so he showed me that the Miami Herald our local paper had previewed the group show and called it their pick of the week with a photo of my painting the show opened that nite it was mobbed at in my painting sold for 5 figures more than anything I've ever produced and my entire career changed on that day the 3 stories each
totally true and some might say magic but let's look inside of these and try to understand what actually happened and why you see it's not magic it's about a simple repeated action the that allows one's mind to collect itself reflects and game clarity because it is in this state of reflection that we are able to examine the patterns of our own behavior and in that examination we can discover the things we're doing right and doing wrong and we can decide to change our behavior accordingly by
committing to a repeated imaginative act we step out of our daily rigors for a while and this simple disconnection allows us to create the space within our minds and our hearts to change the course of our actions and thus are outcomes
now what do I mean by a repeated the imaginative acts I call it moving your on every day in my case that act as the making art paintings collages my processes very repetitive and laborious and I like that but you could just as easily be caring for a garden or or playing piano or putting your boxes of photographs into photo albums anything where your thoughts can wonder a simple manageable
task outside of your daily grind and 1 that produces a tangible result a painting opponents of photo albums a garden a meal a song better fitness the this way no matter what happens you have something to show for your effort so there is no downside it is productive time Of course the real prize is not the garden and it's not the painting it is the resultant self awareness the mental clarity and ultimately the sole satisfaction that stems from the change in your behavior the the when we were in the worst of our miscarriage issues my wife read the book overcoming life's disappointments by Harold Krishna in it he writes when we open our hearts
to pain and suffering we begin to fuel not because suffering is redemptive but because opening our hearts is I believe that I have stumbled upon a way to
open your heart and once that door is opened it is far easier and easier for you to walk through it into a new paradigm in which you're living in a more heartfelt colorful and satisfying life so let's look at my 1st story here
is a broken guys who's decided to spend a lot of time inside his flat painting the same figure over and over why because his loneliness has become unbearable and he did not know what else to do the he has a specific intention to find a life partner to find love and he use that intention as the platform to do something that he enjoyed to make paintings the so there I was in my kitchen with my Cafe del Mar music turned up loud dancing with my canvases 4 days and weeks and
months and here's the paintings were good In fact this was really the 1st meaningful body of work no pun intended that I've ever made but more importantly those innumerable solitary moments where I was out of my analytical and self-critical self and into my more whimsical self allowed me to observe my behavioral patterns over nearly 4 decades and I reals realized something very ugly about myself until that time I'd always approach to women with a sense of sexual conquest they were to be 1 over and once conquered it my interest evaporated even though I told
myself I wanted long-term connection my actions proved otherwise I finally realized that until I change my behavior and acted more soulfully I would
never find a soul mate and so standing before those canvases I promised myself never to have an empty hook up again I began to communicate with women without trying to move them into bed I listened that I ask questions to learn who they were
inside and what they wanted I was no longer a predator but a fellow
member of the tried keen for good company in connection and as I told you I met my wife within months of finishing the last painting now let's look at the
2nd story here I am facing a life without children in a marriage being tested by the utter despair of both parties helpless and stir crazy I escaped to my studio for an opportunity to do something
anything to help our situation along something where I had control over several months the bounce painting resolved itself its intention never wavered it was exclusively designed to bring forth our child again this studio time allowed me to reflect on our situation to remember just how hard it my wife had it my struggle while incredibly frustrating was nothing compared to she was holding onto each moment physically and mentally by her fingernails With this sense of terror just around the corner it was my job to take care of her to keeper stable so that she could keep our child stable that was what this painting did it can be clear on my mission to protect my wife that
painting hangs in our living room today a
reminder of the toughest journey we've ever taken and it embodies the incredible gratitude that we both feel as the parents of 2 magnificent children and a truly amazing thing happened In the last 6 months a friend of mine was over and
studying this piece in my home I told her the story that I just told you and then she pointed out to me she said I see what you're doing there's the 3 balls that are
interrupted and the 3rd 1 was very late in fact you can see almost the full pregnancy but
then I can see where you ended up with 2
perfect children in the end I painted this painting 10 years ago before we had children I'll nearly fell over when she said that maybe there is some magic in there somewhere the the 3rd story follows
directly from the 2nd story the birth of call I was the most transformative event of my life to this day standing here before you I do not sweat the small stuff because I know what it's like to sweat the big stuff and more importantly in the moment where my gratitude exploded with his birth my ego evaporated the me me me that had been my life for 42 years was replaced by a primal concern for this new being and I
reveled in the knowledge that given the choice between him or me I would not hesitate to plunge the knife into my own heart that diminishment of ego cleared the path for might create creativity to expand free of external influence so that when that phone call came in 2014 the work that I already had in motion in my mind it was pure and clear and mature fully ripened there was a great book published a few years ago titled the subtle art of not giving a flock when you make something for the sake of itself and really don't care what anyone thinks you tap into your richest mine of creativity by the time I
made that massive painting I was making it for myself because it showed up and I like it and guess what it was damn good so good that is sold on opening nite and change my life for ever it is the reason that I am standing here now the there
is a 4th story that has just begun and it follows from the success of the 3 stories the now that my life is fueled and I am on my right path I have pivoted and the focus of my intentions no longer is it about me and my success now it is about you and your success it is about healing the world and building bridges Starting in my own country where we've just suffered a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head you can
see some of my new words right here on the 2nd floor where I'll be just after this talk I truly welcome you to join me in dialog about the narratives
of these new works and I welcome any questions you may have about the stories that I just told you now thank you very much the got
a
ruf him year
Computeranimation
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Metadaten

Formale Metadaten

Titel Less Fear, More Optimism
Untertitel The Art of Creative Manifestation
Serientitel re:publica 2017
Anzahl der Teile 234
Autor Sheldon, Stuart
Lizenz CC-Namensnennung - Weitergabe unter gleichen Bedingungen 3.0 Deutschland:
Sie dürfen das Werk bzw. den Inhalt zu jedem legalen Zweck nutzen, verändern und in unveränderter oder veränderter Form vervielfältigen, verbreiten und öffentlich zugänglich machen, sofern Sie den Namen des Autors/Rechteinhabers in der von ihm festgelegten Weise nennen und das Werk bzw. diesen Inhalt auch in veränderter Form nur unter den Bedingungen dieser Lizenz weitergeben.
DOI 10.5446/33158
Herausgeber re:publica
Erscheinungsjahr 2017
Sprache Englisch

Inhaltliche Metadaten

Fachgebiet Informatik
Abstract How do we speed up the machine that makes our dreams come true? Much has been written about the power of focusing our enormous energy to affect a specific outcome. I have experienced this repeatedly in my life. And believe it's available to all of us. Join me as I share how I painted my wife, children and successful art career into existence. And take action to make YOUR desires real.

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