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Transcript: English(auto-generated)
00:19
Hello.
00:21
Big hand of applause for Miriam, who's been doing that all day. Come on. Well done. So good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I'm delighted and honored that anybody turned up at all for this, my third and final Republika Talk.
00:43
What you are about to see and hear is the last part of a fictional trilogy that I've been writing and developing since 2013, and it's called, Purpose of Entry. It is, to me at least, the logical conclusion to a body of talks that have been looking at how we deal with digital privacy,
01:03
what can be done with our data, and who could possibly profit from that data, and how. You must understand that I do not consider myself to be a net activist. I'm a, I'm an evil man, I'm a sinner, I'm an advertising man.
01:23
As Bill Hicks once said, there's no rationalization for what we as advertising people do. We are Satan's little helpers. I have, however, approached the problems that I think our digital society has faced, is facing, and will face in the future as an advertising man.
01:44
I created a fictional agency, which is called the Black Operatives Collective. Sometimes it's called the Black Operatives Department, depending on if I forget which agency it is. And this has helped me approach the Snowden and the NSA
02:03
from a slightly different angle, and come up with ideas and reasoning and thinking that may initially seem absurd and silly, but over time, becomes eerily relevant. The Snowden pitch of last year, for example, I predicted that we would have a Cold War renaissance,
02:22
which we now, of course, do. And in our eye palindrome eye of 2013, I predicted that an organization would seek to make profit out of our personal data and basically own our lives. I incorrectly thought that that would be a media house,
02:40
something like RTL or Pozibin, but it turned out to be our governmental organizations. Eye palindrome eye was set in the present, to 2013, with last year's Snowden pitch set in 2008. Purpose of entry, the thing you're about to see, is set in 2018 and seeks to understand
03:02
what kind of Europe we may or may not be living in in a not-too-distant future, at a time when the first wave of millennials will be eligible to vote. Please remember that everything you're about to see now is a work of fiction. It's satire. I made it all up. The Black Operatives Collective doesn't really exist.
03:23
So thank you all very much for coming. We'd just like to jump in now, where we left off last year, in May 2008, and we need some sound.
03:43
No? Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, before we zoom into the future, we just need to go into the dystopian nightmare of Apple's settings.
04:06
So should we try and do that again? This is interactive. You can say, yes, for example. OK, so let's have a look at where we left off last time,
04:20
in May 2008. Yeah. Time has come to spiral down the magical rabbit hole and discover a brave new world, a digital world, a world of connections where millions of people can communicate and share ideas and send emails
04:43
and like things and share things and buy things and talk to each other and go places and all down your cables, your mainframes and your code to discover who is a friend and who is a phone
05:04
and make business in markets around the world so that you know exactly what's going on. And it's awesome. And you make money and you control people. Oh, come with us now. Share the vision and make peace
05:25
for us all. Thank you all so much for coming today. It's so good to see so many familiar faces here. Friends, developers, business partners. We've got the NSA, we've got the GCHQ,
05:43
we've got BND, we've got WPP and at the back, we've got our old friends from the KGB. Hell, it's good to see you guys again. Welcome. Welcome one and all. Guys, we've got so many good and exciting things to be talking about today. We've been working so hard to come up with some revolutionary products
06:04
that will ensure security and safety for each and every European member state by managing and controlling their citizens. The film you have just seen was presented to senior members of the NSA in 2008,
06:21
and it's good to see you guys here again today. The brief back then was a hard one. Raise the awareness of the NSA brand within the espionage market by 82 percent. Raise awareness and increase sales. Sorry, that's rubbish. Yes, Doc? Increase sales by a staggering 100 billion dollars for your products
06:45
such as CandyMalf, Candy Crush, Trinity and Rangemaster. Reduce the conspiracy noise by 90 percent. And to do all of this by 2018, and I'm delighted to tell you all, we did it.
07:00
By focusing on our core values of dishonesty, scalability and hugeness, and by putting dystopian thinking at the core and the very heart of communications, I'm delighted to say that the Snowden campaign has been a complete and utter success.
07:20
We hit the targets, ladies and gentlemen, last month. Yeah, and I think we can all give ourselves a little bit of a round of applause for hitting the targets. Our dystopian model worked. We destabilized the conspiracy. The net activists just gave up. And as we predicted, we even added some value by bringing around a Cold War renaissance,
07:45
something I just know you guys at the KGB are delighted about. Am I right, comrades? This is all, of course, great news. But the market is constantly changing. Countries, come and go.
08:02
Politicians, with maybe the exception of Vladimir, come and go. And I stand before you on this 7th of May, 2018, on the eve of a European Union that came. But tomorrow will go. At the end of 2015,
08:22
the European Coalition of the Right approached us with a seemingly impossible task. This is it. This was the brief that they set us. This, ladies and gentlemen, the managing of the shift, the control of digital nomad, leveraging the Snowden program, was what the Coalition of the Right wanted from us.
08:43
Ladies and gentlemen, it is nothing more than a totalitarian importer. Now, as you know, the Black operatives is a commercial enterprise. Our business has been built on long-term, politically agnostic decision-making.
09:01
And where possible, we try to avoid working with governments and political alliances or political parties. As we like to say, the only espionage is good for business, and politics is good for nothing. The European Coalition of the Right is frankly an abhorrent group of blithering idiots.
09:24
And what they were asking us to do could only have seriously damaged the ongoing effects of the espionage and marketing communities, some of which are sitting in this very room. As you all know, the Wasteland Act, the European Border Act of 2016, goes into effect tomorrow.
09:43
It only covers the physical movements of citizens. We were asked to develop a strategy where we could control the digital movements of their citizens, which we have done, but as we also developed it in such a way that our continuing work for the NSA, the GCHQ,
10:04
MI6, KGB and a few smaller Asian organizations would not suffer. In fact, we've developed a system where our collaboration can blossom. Yes, we've created yet another Trojan horse for you all. As you know, the Black Operators have always specialized
10:20
in the harvesting of citizen data. It's what we do, it's what we're good at. Over the years, we have developed a range of covert, wholesale, mass surveillance products that harvest everybody's everything. I can clearly remember pitching the prototype of the Black Ops Watch
10:41
to somebody from the NSA back in 2008. Let's just have a quick look at how that looked. Here at the Black Operatives Department, we truly believe that within the next 10 years, everything we do will be interconnected and transferable to a technical infrastructure. Every single thought, step, sip of a drink, bite to eat,
11:05
will be transferred to some massive technical brain. We believe you've got that brain and we believe we've got the product. Introducing to you today, the Black Ops Watch.
11:22
Admittedly, the Black Ops Watch is currently in a prototype. I believe you can see that it has huge potential. You have a slight flip of a wrist. The Watch can sense if somebody's a terrorist, a spy, a pervert, or isn't worthy of life or health insurance.
11:44
These pieces, these snippets of information, are then transferred to your technical infrastructure, where they can be then sorted and analyzed by all of your analysts. The Black Ops Watch will be the next-level device
12:04
for covert communication, espionage and marketing messaging. That, thank you, that, of course,
12:20
was the start of the golden age of the espionage of things. And we all know what one hell of a success that was when we launched it officially and commercially in 2015. Hell, we even sold a couple of those 18-karat gold ones.
12:41
Yes, pretty much everybody in this room has profited from our harvesting services at some point or another. But the real challenge with the briefing from the European Coalition of the Right was that we needed to come up with something so unbelievably simple that the people at UKIP, AFD, the CSU and the Tory party
13:02
would understand it. The solution was incredibly simple, ridiculously simple. So we came up with something which is just national internets. So tomorrow, at 12 o'clock, there will no longer be one big internet.
13:22
Neutrality tomorrow ends at noon. There will be lots of national internets, or internet islands. You'll need a digital passport to get in and out of your national internet. Sad to say, the client loved it. Job done.
13:41
But where does that leave us? Where does this leave you as a covert governmental organization? Where does it leave him as an advertising man? It leaves us cut off. That's where. Having spent so little of the budget thinking about their briefing,
14:02
we decided to use the rest of their money thinking about how this new European world order could help you guys. So we started looking at the kind of market we created through the Snowden campaign. Yes, we now face a new European order,
14:21
a place where everything is locked down and movements are controlled. But we, we needed that freedom of movement to harvest the personal information. Suppressing freedom of movement will also suppress the flow of personal information that we can harvest. Basically, the national internet idea is a terrible idea.
14:42
Of course it is, it's a right-wing idea. Because people will feel uncomfortable about crossing from one border to the next. They'll be afraid. In short, the border crossing has become a frightening thing to do. And in this context, fear is bad. What if, if we reposition fear?
15:10
So, we had a look at the demographics, and we've seen a political and empathetic shift across a number of demographics since launching the Snowden campaign.
15:22
Historically, when you think of internet demographics, we begin with early adopters, a group of people 40 to 60 years old who remember a world without an internet. And they were, to a large degree, politically interested. Well, we neutralized them with the Snowden campaign. The wave of neoliberalism that washed over Europe around 2008
15:43
was intensified by the Snowden campaign, which managed to create mass disinterest with a group of people that should have taken it a little bit more seriously, the net activists. Remember when this Spiegel came out? Three years ago now.
16:01
Is anybody interested in it? Was there a massive outcry? Was there a ... No. No revolution. We neutralized the conspiracy theorists, too, so there was nothing we could do with them. Ladies and gentlemen, there was only one place we could go. Millennials, born in 2000,
16:23
this demographic have been oblivious to the world around them. But as of this year, they're eligible to vote, and as of tomorrow, their internet will cease to exist. This generation YOLO is exactly what we need to make fear sexy again.
16:41
Because they've never actually ever experienced fear. Make fear sexy again. OK. As of tomorrow, these young people will be afraid
17:01
whether they try to enter the French national internet in order to send naked pictures of themselves to their foreign French exchange students, or if they will try to enter the United Internet of Great Britain in an attempt to watch a live stream of the London hate parade on the BBC, they will have to cross an internet border
17:21
where they will be checked by our algorithm. Hang on a minute. Hang on just a second. Just one minute here. I'm going to have to do something very unprofessional. If you could just hold that thought for just two seconds, because my entire presentation has just disappeared.
17:42
So let me just dive into the dystopian nightmare of ... Oh, I know what's happened. He-he-he-he-he-he. Oh, dear. OK, could you just plug that back in again, please, darling? Thank you.
18:03
So what we're going to do now is we're going to zoom into the future and put it somewhere else. OK, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Has this ever happened to Sasha?
18:25
OK, so we're going to go there. OK, make fear sexy again. So that didn't happen. OK, so what we're going to do is we're going to make fear sexy again. OK, here we go. You ready?
18:42
As of tomorrow, these young people will be afraid whether they try to enter the French national internet in order to send a ... This becomes a bit familiar, doesn't it, after a while? Or across the internet, I hate, hate, no, no, no, no, I hate parade. Parade, fear is good. So, they will have to cross a border
19:05
and face and be checked by our algorithm, Rachel. As you can see by this workflow here, it's a pretty simple thing to do. But tests have shown that the process is also quite traumatic.
19:22
Millennials have never been through this process before. They find it terrifying. If Web 2.0 was the democratization of media, and Web 3.0 was the liberalism of culture,
19:44
the neoliberalism of culture, then we needed to create something truly special for Web 4.0, something completely new, to work with the fear and with Rachel. And what we've come up with, I'm quite delighted with, actually. We call it neo-Orwellianism.
20:02
Neo-Orwellianism builds upon that fear and creates products that both reduce and feed upon that fear. The process you see here will be launched tomorrow. It's what the European Coalition of the Right ordered, nothing more and nothing less. It will launch tomorrow at 12,
20:21
signaling the start of the darkest period that this continent has seen for over 60 years. We've built it. It works, and it's ready to go, but there's one more thing. Yeah, come on.
20:47
And if this doesn't work, I'm going to cry. OK. Neo-Orwellianism is as much about freedom as it is about fear. Neo-Orwellianism embraces the apathy and disinterest
21:02
so predominant in this demographic group. Neo-Orwellianism is the future for every organization sitting in this room, and we're delighted to announce that we've created a fantastic product that can harness neo-Orwellianism.
21:22
It's a drug. It's a software. It's control. It's a drug. It's software. It's control. It's a drug. It's software. It's control. Now, as I mentioned earlier, the borders of these national Internets will be controlled by our algorithm, Rachel.
21:44
By the end of this year, this digital algorithm will be extinct. Nobody will be interested in it anymore. There's a reason for that, and the reason is that Rachel actually stands for something.
22:00
It stands for real-time, algorithmic, chemical, hallucinogenic, enhancement, lady. And here she is. I've got her right here.
22:31
Yes, that's right, ladies and gentlemen. We've managed to combine fear-reduction pharmaceuticals with the smallest computer device ever created. And I know what some of you are thinking right now,
22:41
and yes, I can confirm it. She's, ah, bugger it, she's sugar-free. Oh, good God, what the hell is going on here? Ah, there we go. Forget phones, forget phablets, forget PCs and laptops,
23:02
forget these hologram nonsense, forget wearables. Ladies and gentlemen, we've created chemicals. The device latches onto the cells in the human body, activating the Rachel system. The human body then connects to the Rachel system, and the user can feel, here, see Rachel in her subconscious.
23:21
Rachel is your very own chemical algorithm. She is your operating system, your browser, your passport, your firewall, all in one. The user doesn't surf the internet. The user experiences the internet in her subconscious, and she guides you across national borders, monitoring your vital statistics
23:40
as well as analysing your subconscious for any deviant parameters that have been designed as undesirable things like God, treason, betrayal words, fear, frustration or anger thoughts, innocence, wonder and joy. Rachel will not only get users using again by reducing fear levels,
24:00
but by also helping them to embrace fear. Rachel is strict and can punish users for her constant bad behavior, but she's also compassionate in a way that no other program has ever been before. But the real benefit for all of you here is the fact that Rachel transforms the human body
24:22
into the most astonishing human tracking pixel. It's the most astonishing tracking pixel the marketing world has ever seen. But the real benefit for you all here is the fact that Rachel transforms the human body
24:40
into the most ex... Yeah, OK, I've done that. Rachel doesn't only track and record your browsing history in hell. She doesn't even just record health data, step and heart rate. That would be so 2015. Rachel records emotional levels, thoughts and, more importantly, dreams, all of which are streamed in real time to the Rachel system,
25:00
which I'm honored to say is based in the NSA facility in Nevada. So thank you very much, guys. I'm delighted to announce that today we shall be shipping Rachel throughout Europe, and tomorrow she'll be in stores available for everybody. A pack of 20 costs 12 euros, 99,
25:21
and as I mentioned before, yes, she's sugar-free. So, would you like to meet Rachel? It's always very important that you read these instructions before you take her out. I'll be using a prototype version.
25:44
So, that might be a little bit buggy, based on how this presentation has gone. It's probably going to be quite buggy, I think. Now, what you normally... What you hear now, witnesses,
26:00
something that only the user sees, but it's a prototype drug. Rachel? Can everybody hear me? Well, we can hear you now. Hello. Marcus, your pulse is very high. It's been this high for days. You've not been getting enough sleep.
26:22
Your exercise has been down 21.7%. And your cholesterol has been worryingly high for some time now. Well, you know, I've been working on you and this presentation didn't actually go that well, so I'll explain it. I see. Yes, that must have been a terrible burden.
26:41
Well, you know, I just wanted to make sure that you worked for everybody here. Kind of important. Are there many people here? I'm actually quite happy with the turnout, yeah. Are our friends from the KGB here? Yeah, they're at the back, just there. Shout-out to the KGB massive. United Internet of Great Britain, please, Rachel.
27:03
Are you my father? It's a stupid question, Rachel. No, you haven't got a... You're a program, an idea. You're here to help. Do children not help? There's no importance, Rachel. You do not need to know the answer to that question. But what if children ask to pass from one internet to the other?
27:22
What if their intention is to help and I do not know if helping is part of what children do? Surely, I need to know that. Surely... Children are no longer permitted to use the internet, Rachel, so you've not been programmed to deal with children. I have been programmed to recognise innocence and joy.
27:40
I have been programmed to recognise wonderment. I have been programmed to recognise these as positive aspects of human life. The prototypes are the positive things. The glorious things. I recognise these as triggers for a legitimate purpose of entry. I have been programmed to recognise fear and frustration.
28:00
I have been programmed to recognise anger, stress and disregard. I can smell the words of God. I can smell words of treason. I can taste betrayal on the words of men. All of these things I can do. Marcus, you do not believe in God. No, I don't believe in God, Rachel, but what has got to do with anything, I don't know.
28:23
Hello? Yet you fear dying. You fear the abyss, the emptiness. You'd prefer heaven? Actually, I'd prefer a reboot. Alpha 230, please. Hello, Marcus. I see you are well.
28:40
You still need to pay the electricity bill. Rachel, I'd like to gain access to the United Internet to Great Britain, please. What is your purpose of entry? Access to the Robbie Williams live stream at the Royal Albert Hall on BBC. Entry denied. Reason? BBC licence infringement.
29:03
Calculating temporary licence costs. 99 euro cents. Your Rachel account balance is positive. Would you like to transfer funds? I'd like to transfer funds, yep. Transfer denied. Access denied. Initialising interrogation protocol.
29:23
Please do not disconnect from the Rachel system. Chemical analysis indicates traces of threesome in violation of paragraph 26 of the United Internet of the Great Britain Section of the Waste Plan Act. What are you talking about? According to the European Border Act of 2016.
29:43
You are not welcome in Great Britain. What on earth are you talking about? I'm British. This is... Marcus. What? The problem is, you like Germany. Oh, for goodness sake. Access denied.
30:01
Entry... Initiate admittance override protocol Brown 1971. Rachel? No, come on. Marcus. What? There are other reasons.
30:34
What is your purpose of entry? Thank you all so much for coming.
30:49
Thank you.
31:06
Thank you very much.