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Self Exploitation on Today's Internet

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me now thank you so much good morning all morning so let's talk about self exploitation today's Internet I want to start with a little bit of transparency transparency is 1 of the main
marketing strategies of personal story tellers and I'm a personal story teller and I use transparency to try to connect people by overwhelming them with personal information and sometimes this is successful because they feel intermediate intimacy because I've shared something
maybe even inappropriate a or or or deeply personal about myself or maybe they feel overwhelmed and I hope you might feel some productive mix of those 2 things
I want to be transparent with you this morning to tell you that I had a difficult time pulling this talk together and the reason I had a difficult time pulling this talk together is because as a personal story teller I mind my personal life my personal life is is resources that I that I scraped and then Polish and presented people and this can mean that that I have to relive trauma in my life over and over again to try to make it worthwhile in a commercial Content Marketplace I'm very grateful that you people rose up out of bed and and maybe have some breakfast and came and sat here before me and I I hope that my personal tragedies and stories of of my small successes might be interesting to you 2 years ago I quit my job
in software to focus full-time on personal story telling I tell stories on youtube about my life and sometimes I
interview people but what I've noticed is that in the last 2 years of personal story telling whatever natural tendencies I had toward depression have definitely been exacerbated it is very difficult for me to sit and tell personal stories all the time and so on but I wanted to be honest about that with you so that if you're thinking about a full-time career and personal story telling you'll understand that it's a very emotionally taxing profession and I mean in the time that you've been sitting here listening to
me your friends and family have already posted photographs on the Internet that you have not yet like so why would you listen to my stories when when we are all empowered to be personal story tellers through this Internet thing well I guess the reason is that I'm 1 of the 1st strangers that you could come to know intimately on the web and it was sort of a one-way relationship but it was 1 that I worked very hard at being in a good 1 way relationship with you and um I guess it's been about 21 years since I started my website and I have I became in somewhat known early on this is 1 of the 4 my favorite
things that was ever published about me in I'm not very good at reading Japanese but I love this apiece fighter from underground he uses the Internet and then I I think that's true so why would someone want to share so much of themselves on the Internet and for me I think you know I would say
in my childhood I have my father passed away when I was young in my mom was busy working and I found computers and when I found computers I found that I had this tool a computer connected to a modem to a network I could provoke social reactions from strangers and that was so exciting and I found that by getting online I could stimulate myself and feel connected and and leave this the home where I might be a loner or you know feel like I wasn't being talked to enough and I could go online and I could make people pay attention to me and that was fabulous fundament late 19 eighties but in 1993 I
went to college and I saw an article about this new thing called that it was the 1st web browser that allowed an image and text to be on the screen and can you Imagen and and you and you had these links that you could click with the mouse and what a thing to be able to browse information with the mouse because this is now so accessible to so many people I thought I love this In January
1994 I do I decided to
introduce myself to the Web with the basic
Justin's homepage and this just as homepage allowed me to just created a very basic record of the things I found online that were exciting and important to me and at that time the web was under 1 thousand websites so you could literally go onto the web spend a few hours there and feel like you've seen most of it and then you could come back a week later and say 0 I'm going to look at the news sites now what's new on the web and and I loved it I loved the web so much I kept records of all the things I saw and I turned my site
into just as links from the underground a collection of sites and because I was 90 years old and you know sort of horny a lot of time and you would psychedelically curious a lot of what I kept track of was freaky stuff so Justin's links from the
underground and that the fact that I was able to get people to visit my site and actually look at these links are made me feel like I had an audience for my personal story and so I created the autobiography using the structure of the web so that you know my mom was 1 page and my school was another page and the home town I grew up in in my childhood bedroom with photographs each of these things could be its own page linked together and and I began to
create an online autobiography where I
just said I'm gonna use this web to
just say all kinds of stuff and
yes some of it was very boring like maybe posting some of my school papers they're still there they get worse over time but I I realize I could also talk about things that were very exciting to me like there's a lot of vitamins and supplements minerals and and and drugs that you can take that will heighten your sexual pleasure without
even needing to to to get you know illegal drugs so I decided to begin testing on myself for these things and take notes on the internet I caught a sexually
transmitted disease trauma experimentation and I decided to write frankly about that because you know if you're too playful in the wrong ways this could happen to you fortunately mine was durable and I also were
very much enjoyed taking acid and so I decided to keep a journal of how many of you know how much of a dose I took and how strong it was and what happened to be and who I took it with and what we did and I kept this trip Journal on the web and I really was so excited that I could now
write and share without limitations was no mainstream media to so you can't say this or this is not appropriate and and and there was no sense that I had to pay every time I put up a new page there was no charge I just write pages until my fingers got tired and then I slowly began to realize that you know my writing without limitations was me asserting power over other people and I began to realize that there may actually be limitations and the limitations became very much more clear to me and the when they invented search engines because once they invented search engines people could come and they would type their name in right there come to the web and they would say you and my here and and the answer is yes here here just written all about you and he's written about that crazy stuff you didn't he's written about the thought sees had about you and these people would contact me and they would say 0 this internet is so sad you have made this internet a very unhappy place for me because of all the personal sharing you have done about the weird stuff you like and you have used my name it and you have told stories about things we did and I had to think a lot about what was important to me that writing without limitations was important to me but human relationships for even more important to me and over the course of being a writer on the web at these this choice between asserting my own power and privilege or honoring the community in relationships I had was something that I learned an enormous amount about
so I wrote on the Web when it wasn't really a mass medium when I started there weren't a lot of people up there but I had a mass audience in January to 1995 I had 27 thousand daily readers so you know that's a pretty good number of people to look at your web page it's actually kind of astonishing to have been 20 years old and to have like the holding onto this attention you know that I can point at things and and people would look at them and know about them and and add and I think a lot of these people came to look at my website because they knew I would give them sex links and they be like a we can tell me where the new sex sites are on the internet and people and I couldn't keep up because there's so much growth and change on the internet so my readers were sending me sex links and then I would she post those sex links and what happened is that people began to use my traffic fire hose my attention hose to pointed at people to be
cruel and to be mean and to play bad jokes and and I realize that I didn't want to be I don't want to do that I didn't want to hold in the tension oppose that people could use for cruelty so I took down my sex links and I immediately lost 20 thousand daily readers that's just fine I mean for me it was not like a power game where I was trying to get as many people as possible to to what like me although it will I did want attention but I got I still at 7 thousand people a day paying attention to me and you know what I realized when I 1st got online I was so excited that I had this ability to publish
and then over the years into 2 thousand and beyond it became more of a a responsibility which is actually spelled this way and in this this this idea that you know what started out on the internet as as the freedom to share the dish become almost like a peer pressure so if you look at personal sharing online when I 1st started I thought everyone should have the right to share of themselves online and if we all are very honest and very transparent and we all go in we tell very deep and personal stories we will build empathy we will connect with each other we will feel less alone we will understand our neighbors we will believe in people halfway around the globe it will be like we were promised humanity could be if we all held hands all the time and then it was I don't need to say that any more because by 2 thousand I don't need to say you should have the ability to publish online because you kind of could buy 2 thousand if you were in the developed world and you had a computer you could get on the internet and you know type up a log on blogger movable type and use some service to put yourself out there and then after a few years something called Facebook and MySpace launched and suddenly it's no longer like you have the possibility to participate in this network you have the expectation you want on the internet that's a conscious choice you've made a choice not to share yourself on the internet that strange why aren't you there you're missing out on this global there's something you're judging us by not being there it became something else and now to the point where I think it's almost become a career I believe that you know if you are young person and you are entering a field that involves media and communications in any way then you are expected at least in the United States you are expected to have a profile on Linked In on Twitter and Facebook somewheres people want to be able to go online and understand that you have a reputation you have a body of work your personality and if your work is in media communications and it involves mixing the business and personal then you absolutely have this very strange obligation to perform as a personality on the internet what a weird time we live in it the Cho so I've been thinking about what kinds of archetypes of personal sharing I have practiced and that might be helpful for someone else thinking about how they want to practice sharing themselves on the Internet so I'm going to talk to you about a
few of those archetypes today the 1st 1 i'd like to look at is celebrity how you might think about being a celebrity on the internet so for me that my 1st I think opportunity to be a celebrity was I went to go see this American heroes slash criminal named Oliver North give a talk and he got in trouble for helping sell drugs and money in guns and things with taxpayer dollars and and he's very conservative and I was not so conservative and I went to go see him give a speech and I took a piece of marijuana
paraphernalia and I got him to sign it an actor and I took this piece of marijuana paraphernalia the photograph my put them on the Web and certain people really liked it and they put it in newspapers and they said he's you know he's got this guy and this guy's funny and provocative and you should look at his site and plus I had all these things about you know all my crazy interests and I just said you know what I'm going to be very transparent I'm going to pose naked pictures of
myself you know 10 years
apart so I'm going to and I'm going to
you know have naughty fun in public and and I will tell you that if you want to have naughty fun public you can be a celebrity people will pay attention to you if you take your clothes off and run around the internet it the them by 1998 I had graduated
college and I needed to find a way to sustain my life and I never felt like all of the traffic I got I never felt like I could run paid advertisments because if I was writing about my passions and I was writing about my friends I couldn't really charge you know I don't want to say you should buy a you know this bread or this beer it didn't seem like a match so I the I 0 gosh I well I ran
into a documentary filmmaker and he said I will make a film about you and I thought 0 great this is gonna catapult me into a whole level of other success I'm going to be famous a new way that will mean that I can have work and money and all these things and it's totally not true if you ever
have the opportunity to be the subject of a documentary is like a very strange time when someone else tells your story and makes you uncomfortable and then it's over and very few people would remember and then the I had the chance to be on television and I was on television separately from the documentary up there was a new television channel that wanted someone to teach about the web and I started teaching about the web in public I thought this is great I'll be on
television all share the glory of personal publishing with people all encourage people to tell their stories or make the web more human but the television channel got letters from
people who were in very religious parts of america and they said this guy is very strange and he should not be trusted to teach people things on the television you should remove him and the television channel said to me you have a choice between being honest about the freaky things that you're into on the internet or being on television and for me I always felt the control over the media was the most important thing and that I would somehow find something else to do so I it was no longer on television and that was a sad choice
but it was you know the choice that I made because it was more important to me to have this truth and whatever I thought truth was and there's another example of someone else who's practice the difficult truth we live in public is another documentary about someone experimenting with the Internet his name is Josh Harris and he built an underground or you know sort out of sight bunker with a lot of cameras in its and moved in there with his romantic partner in a lot of other people and they began filming everything they did and posting it online and having chat rooms
where people could chat about it doesn't that sound like you would end well them you know it didn't and the he broke up and I think he really broke down if you watch this film it's very mentally taxing to put your life up for that kind of scrutiny in public and I think you know Josh and myself are both white males it's it's I shudder to imagine what would happen if I did the things that I did as a woman or a person who was not white and the kinds of people who would come out in the things they would say today we all have the opportunity to
experiment with these things and the services like periscope and mere cat that have burst into visibility in the last 5 months where people in post under the Twitter handles they serve say where they are and what they're doing and then people can leave comments and so you get 5 comments from anyone was on the Internet about what you're doing and I can tell you from personal experience this can be extremely weird so I started in 1996 I began the
practice of daily Weblogging updating the front pages something new in my life and it was usually you know I you know was something Monday like what a but it was also like I found someone I fell in love we had a fight we broke up that I described the course my relationships my work all these things I was transparent in my writings so that by by 2005 I was entering another relationship and I posted about enthusiastically on the internet that and someone had done their homework they had red or prior web pages they have formed very informed opinions about my prior relationships and they told me that it you so this is a comment on the screen I don't like using text in slides because as soon as you put it up someone begins to read the text for you should read this because when I read this this is just the beginning of about something that was about this long on the screen and it was so affecting to me because their red and they had the I have given them everything they needed to know from my perspective about me being transparent and honest and then they came back to me and they said you are not a good person and what you're doing is going to fail and you will be alone thank
you ch yes I end this was um there was the truth and it was sad and and and it made me stop sharing myself on the internet for a number of years and so thinking about celebrity I think there's something a little bit grasping about celebrity like you know I was reaching for things I was reaching for people's
attention would look at how interesting I am looking at the the weird things that I like to do please pay attention to me and what ended up happening is that grasping turned into a little bit of a fist and N and I was punching the people I love because my family members were like did you take your clothes off on the internet again do we really do we really have to think of you as so much into drugs this is a real problem and then I ended up sort of punching myself and so I think celebrity I think it's good to open the hand and in the 2nd archetype of personal sharing is then teachers so you say 0 man I love publishing on the Internet you should all publisher cells I am going to teach you e-mail because HTML as easy as hell this was my approach in in 1994 people started writing me back saying I love your stories here's my story I said don't tell me tell the web let's all share all teach you I traveled that America by bus going to you know churches and
cafes in schools and teaching people how to publish stories on the Internet because I thought we need to get voices on the Internet personal stories from people or not there and it was great I love teaching but I never made a formal course out of it I never charge people money to take my classes I never set up a curriculum and today there are lots of people who share the personal things they care about as teachers this is my friend Howard Rheingold he has a Rheingold university teaching about network literacy and online cooperation I spend a lot of time looking at the DIY video guy because he talks about how to make video on the Internet and that's very useful to me I was wondering a little bit about how he makes money he
makes money making videos for this guy who is
it the smart passive income blog he will teach you how to make money fast from
home as far as I can tell he teaches you how to make teaching for other people that makes money I don't I'm not sure I totally understand that but is very transparent last month March he made 153 thousand dollars he's completely transparent but for me the problem with if you take teaching on the internet as a as a personal sharing to its logical conclusion you're no longer able to be intimate about what's important to you because you have to provide something to people that really benefits them in a predictable way on a curriculum they can understand and that's probably not the doubts and excitement you have in your personal life so looking at a 3rd type of
uh archetype personal sharing activists you could be an activist and
for me I was so passionate about this idea that the mainstream media was turning over and now it would be personal driven media and we would all have access to these tools and there would no longer be gatekeepers and we would have
a great freedom and a great surge of personal expression might the United States government attempted to pass something in 1996 called the Communications Decency Act which might have prevented me from putting my genitals on the internet so I spoke out against that and so you know there's you can't take the things that are important to you and speak to them from your personal from your personal heart of what's important to you and share their personal content as an activist a great example is a woman named I
need to suck easy and who has done a lot to raise awareness about the way video games portray women in ways that are are probably damaging to our society's fabric of cultural inclusion now there's a great risk that when you put yourself out at the front of a cause as an activist you be you become a target for people who want something to hate and I am so sorry for the amount of hate that she has received as our last speaker mentioned yes it's not appropriate that you should be an activist to be hated but you should know that that's the risks I myself I'm a
little too wrapped up in my own trauma and trying to figure out what's wrong with me for me to have a cause at the moment it so the last
archetype of personal sharing that I look at is what I call is healer and and you know so if you look at the internet with all the other people on the end of it did you know that a lot of people on the
Internet are suffering the and and that maybe you could help them so there's a college student in in Detroit who saw a story about this guy James Robertson this guy does not have a car in detroit and Detroit has a public tree as a not very good public transit system he walks 21 miles to work every day 5 days a week I don't know how many kilometers that is but it's an
awful lot is like 250 kilometers a week and and and so he said let's held James Robertson get a car and he got 38 13 thousand people to give this guy 350 thousand dollars isn't that amazing he helped James Robertson well sort of James Robison
is now in hiding because he's gotten death threats because people have seen how much money he got and they want to attack him or take it from him so I think it's very difficult to use the internet to help people even if you want to be a healer in my case the I've got some
e-mails that make me feel like I've been effective at being a healer this e-mail came to me in 1996 the I've never met anyone before besides my sister and brother who has had a parent who committed suicide I have a very hard time telling people that when I was 14 the most important person in my world said goodbye to me told me I have a nice day then put a bullet through his head so my father committed suicide and he was an alcoholic and when I began writing on the Web my the challenge of dealing with that fueled so much of my early writing and I'm now that I was 90 I was a when
he died and I was 19 when I began writing on the web and I'm now 40 so I'd like to think I have news stories I don't sometimes when I give talks about my time on the Web I open up and I say my dad committed suicide he was an alcoholic and I've wrestled with that as a way to set the stage
to let you know that I'm intense but I think that I'm trying to have a new story something that's I don't know what it says that I've healed myself and maybe healed other people but when I look back at my history on the web I don't know that I'll ever do anything that will affect as many people as just coming out in public and saying my father killed himself because the e-mails I get tell me that too few people know that they are not
alone in suffering from that kind of trauma so maybe you have some trauma that you could share in some respectful way that would help other people feel less alone so I don't the out because when people come to me with this kind of e-mail it's very affecting to me but I don't have like a religious tradition that I can say 0 yes thank you so much for regional understanding my story in my story is the gateway to this old truth written in this dusty book I don't have anything like that to share to tell people what the next step In sort of accessing wisdom is because I think there may not be any true wisdom accept this there's a guy named EQ was a poet in Japan about 600 years ago and he has a number of fabulous poems this is an excerpt from 1 of them yesterday's clarity is today's stupidity the universe has dark and light entrust oneself to change and I thought I'd love this idea in trust oneself to change because I can tell you if you're going to hear anything true ever is that changes coming there is going to be
change we don't know what it is so if you thinking that how can you serve a web and still keep your soul intact and and still be in relationship with people is a by being a celebrity a teacher and activist or a healer I think those are all useful ways to think about sharing your personal self online but I think there's something in the midst of these and that's being a learner because if you are
willing to show in public that you are humble that you do not know the truth that you are struggling for an answer and that you are trying whatever you can to learn then you can connect with other people who also have doubt and also don't always look so great on social networks and want to feel like there may be having a chance to be a part of a community to make the world a better place so I would say to you today let's use the internet to learn in public thank you
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Strategisches Spiel
Information
Exploit
Internetworking
Computerspiel
Prozess <Informatik>
Content <Internet>
Mixed Reality
Computerspiel
Software
YouTube
Web Site
Benutzerbeteiligung
Digitale Photographie
Familie <Mathematik>
Quick-Sort
Internetworking
Fundamentalsatz der Algebra
Datennetz
Browser
Information
Computerunterstütztes Verfahren
Computer
Binder <Informatik>
Bildgebendes Verfahren
Touchscreen
Modem
Datensatz
Web Site
Benutzerbeteiligung
Homepage
Weg <Topologie>
Web Site
Digitale Photographie
Datenstruktur
Binder <Informatik>
Quick-Sort
Homepage
Benutzerbeteiligung
Sender
Internetworking
Neue Medien
Benutzerbeteiligung
Gemeinsamer Speicher
Suchmaschine
Datentyp
Inverser Limes
Schreiben <Datenverarbeitung>
Auswahlaxiom
Leistung <Physik>
Homepage
Internetworking
Benutzerbeteiligung
Web Site
Spieltheorie
Mathematisierung
Güte der Anpassung
Ruhmasse
Zahlenbereich
Web-Seite
Binder <Informatik>
Leistung <Physik>
Internetworking
Telekommunikation
Facebook
Punkt
Web log
Datennetz
Gemeinsamer Speicher
MySpace
Sprachsynthese
Computer
Internetworking
Neue Medien
Erwartungswert
Datenfeld
Web Services
Twitter <Softwareplattform>
Rechter Winkel
Endogene Variable
Datentyp
Auswahlaxiom
Benutzerprofil
Benutzerbeteiligung
Digitale Photographie
Computerspiel
Matching <Graphentheorie>
Internetworking
Benutzerbeteiligung
Übergang
Neue Medien
Benutzerbeteiligung
Mereologie
Gamecontroller
Auswahlaxiom
Internetworking
Computerspiel
Quick-Sort
Auswahlaxiom
Internetworking
Rechenschieber
Computerspiel
Web Services
Web log
Twitter <Softwareplattform>
Perspektive
Schreiben <Datenverarbeitung>
Web-Seite
Computerunterstützte Übersetzung
Touchscreen
Homepage
Internetworking
Benutzerbeteiligung
Bit
Gemeinsamer Speicher
Familie <Mathematik>
Bus <Informatik>
Zellularer Automat
Zahlenbereich
Quick-Sort
Metropolitan area network
Internetworking
Bit
Datennetz
Klasse <Mathematik>
Grundraum
Videokonferenz
Internetworking
Computerspiel
Web log
Gemeinsamer Speicher
Internetworking
Chipkarte
Neue Medien
Telekommunikation
Arithmetischer Ausdruck
Content <Internet>
Gemeinsamer Speicher
Internetworking
Computerspiel
Momentenproblem
Physikalischer Effekt
Inklusion <Mathematik>
Kontextbezogenes System
Netzwerktopologie
Gemeinsamer Speicher
Transitionssystem
Güte der Anpassung
t-Test
Internetworking
Quick-Sort
Internetworking
Benutzerbeteiligung
Vererbungshierarchie
Familie <Mathematik>
Schreiben <Datenverarbeitung>
E-Mail
Schreib-Lese-Kopf
Benutzerbeteiligung
Mathematisierung
Gateway
Zahlenbereich
Grundraum
E-Mail
Quick-Sort
Benutzerbeteiligung
Mereologie
Mathematisierung
Internetworking

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Formale Metadaten

Titel Self Exploitation on Today's Internet
Serientitel re:publica 2015
Teil 99
Anzahl der Teile 177
Autor Hall, Justin
Lizenz CC-Namensnennung - Weitergabe unter gleichen Bedingungen 3.0 Deutschland:
Sie dürfen das Werk bzw. den Inhalt zu jedem legalen Zweck nutzen, verändern und in unveränderter oder veränderter Form vervielfältigen, verbreiten und öffentlich zugänglich machen, sofern Sie den Namen des Autors/Rechteinhabers in der von ihm festgelegten Weise nennen und das Werk bzw. diesen Inhalt auch in veränderter Form nur unter den Bedingungen dieser Lizenz weitergeben.
DOI 10.5446/31898
Herausgeber re:publica
Erscheinungsjahr 2015
Sprache Englisch
Produktionsort Berlin

Inhaltliche Metadaten

Fachgebiet Informatik
Abstract Are you maximizing your online personhood and leveraging your personal brand for the benefit of your lifetime monetization? And what is the cost to your society and soul for your success? Come hear from a scarred, smiling veteran of personal publishing Justin Hall, widely known as an early blogger and sharer of too many personal stories.

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