Make Love Not Porn

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Make Love Not Porn
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Three years ago direct personal experience inspired Cindy Gallop to launch MakeLoveNotPorn at TED. She talks about the amazing response globally ever since to an increasingly pervasive issue, and how she and her team are battling every prejudice society operates around sex, to launch the forthcoming new iteration, -- mission: 'Pro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference.
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and and if you had so these things before I start to become the 1st is I have to apologize for the
fact that with incredibly bad timing I managed to come down with a hideous streaming cold today so I'm afraid this talk is going to be punctuated by coughing sniffling throat lozenge consumption underneath that said for and sucking but I decided not to seems very appropriate I to also strolling this morning to make sure I had a box of tissues on the hand is told and the 2nd thing is is there anybody in this audience will be offended by the use of explicit sexual language no excellent how am I just want to make sure that some if anybody thinks they might have ended please leave now I don't want to get organize into trouble and I don't want any of you to say that you want warned so on talk about some when my project look on came from and I was about the response it's had to and subsequently in the 3 years since I launched it I'm going to talk about them where I'm trying to take it next I want to also be your help in how I do that I'm very pleased to be talking to Germany today and then I'd like to leave a fair amount of time at the end of the session the questions because I'm very keen to talk about this topic with you and to hear what you think and answer anything that you want to ask me so um I date
younger men they tend to men in their 20 years and it was still dating younger men that are encountered an issue that would simply never have crossed my mind and I have not come across it in a very personal context which is the real ramifications of the creating ubiquity of hardcore pornography in our culture so today Paul is more feeling widely available var the internet they ever has been before which means that kids or accessing it at earlier in the
earlier ages the ever have been before and so we now have as I can closely testify an entire generation growing up that believes that what you see in hardcore pull is the way that you have sex and this is exacerbated because we live in a society where we all have sex but we never talk about it parents usually way too embarrassed to teach at all about sex schools and colleges run into issues if they try and make up educational gap and so hardcore become by D fold the sex education of today and that is not a good thing so when I realize this understand do
something about it and so 3 as a go on no money which is why it's a very basic very clunky very minimal website I launched make love not point are
called what they look up on the outcome does is it post the mix of particle Poland and
imbalances them with reality the structure is pulled world real world this is what happens in the poor
world this is what actually happens in the real world and some when I put this site my said my designer I this site to live in a world of hardcore porn I don't want the slightest whiff of education all public service announcement about it which is the case of death always 1 to go far and away the pointers spiral and the other thing I did was I made it so funny unusual copy myself and I deliberately made it lighthearted in order to defuse the awkwardness and the embarrassment that exists around this whole area and what I was building the site to the opportunity came up to launch it at the TED conference all I took a deliberate decision to be extremely explicit in my Ted talk because I knew that audience would not get this issue
unless I was very straightforward as a result everybody who was a tad 2009 members my talk as 1 twitterers said was the 1st time the words come on my face had been heard on the TED stage 6 times in succession and therefore head while wildly supportive this procedure Denver all that you know about whether or not to post my talk online
eventually they did post online but they refused to post on TED . com because tech-doc commas visited by parents with kids and teachers with kids in other words my target audience and they episodes had log and they present on you tube and when person tube they disabled the common stream now I know why they did that because you tube mass for the capital and all I also them to enable it all explain to them and and this is something of a simple near clear about making not porn is not and the issue I am tackling is not important the initial tackling is a complete lack in our
society of open healthy dialog around 6 and Paul which would then allow people to bring a real world mind-set set to the viewing of what is essentially artificial entertainment if you want my entire message you make love not poured down to 1 thing to be purely and simply talk about it that's all I want you to do and the reason for that is because we will get very vulnerable when we get naked sexual egos all very fragile we find it strangely difficult to talk about sex with the people were actually happy with while we're actually having it because we are terrified of having another person's feelings putting them
of us derailing the entire count all the entire relationship but the same time we want to please our partner we'll see is that use on how to do that from anywhere we can and if the only cues we have of reported that those are the ones will take that's why a lot of overly Paul include sexual behavior is driven by the best of all possible motives not the worst and that's why as I say my message would make up the point is simply talk about it and so when disabled the common stream
on you tube and I also and to enable it I said all I designed this website to inspire and how the dialog I want people to say anything they want to say about my talk on you to rest assured I will have a very healthy sense of humor about what they do say and I will undertake to monitor the common stream myself and I'll respond closely wherever I think it's appropriate my Ted talk on you tube by now has been viewed approximately 230 thousand times there is a constant stream of nearly
1500 comments and I responded
personally to over 90 % of those comments I'm 3 reasons the 1st is quite frankly enormous entertainment value for me because while there are many very positive comments there are also many very negative comments the negative comments all fall into 1 group they are young men sometimes older men BUT young men hiding behind a veil of anonymity that a user name of folds hurling obscene or abusive so when somebody
post who want to come on her wrinkled face anyway shriveled up old right he never expected sitting out correspond to him presently publicly openly and with a sense of humor says about young gentlemen are applied I know I could really do with spatial right you also shown up prior to the 1 posted any young guys working there can only be doing so out of pity I posted for larger number of guys the twenties like do
charity work so I think the enormous entertainment value but but the 2nd reason I respond is because it's my chance summing all I actually feel very strongly about which is the equivalent of tapping shoulder and saying look me in the eye and say that to my face because no evidence that online and so what have I respond to them I always find myself
off with what they called me you also wrinkled old
barracks you also shown levels have because that's me going to look at black and white at what you just blown up thinking he out of the blogosphere coming back at you from the person you said about that is that the only and the
the reason is this is my 1 chance to open up their minds when I respond ready for you to come into on they will read what I have to say because it's coming to them personally they may choose to shrug it off they may choose to ignore at this I want the opportunity to get to think differently about the entire topic in question the results of
doing this have been fascinating many responses going respect we did not expect you to engage with the YouTube audios tense because they intend to do that many apologists public apologies in the common stream private apologies from the abuses of that the purchase some of the you know most of my horrific abuse centimeter them through my U-tube service and it's interesting because of where they actually get people on the road the dialog changes so the most
prolific abuses the guys who just kept going no matter what I said it which I would say I have
discussed this 1 1 immediate income estimate is very small peace message me privately on here so that we can talk about this in more detail all the time also guys are advised to do this None of them did in this entire process I've only ever had to give up on 1 person and when you get them on their own the conversation changes completely so 1 of the greatest commenters turned out to be 28 Eastern European a computer programmer and a virgin know what he was so angry about girls and sex so I found myself going so when you thought about trying online and by the way when you use a gun the ball you might wanna try and chatter up like this we became friends the message me on YouTube to say that somebody could I went and I think that's great yeah they didn't have a few months then she dumped him he worked on my shoulder would get back in the game you know the depending on the other side and I and by the way
i in I am in my life as a brand building a marketing consultant I use a marketing case study because all line abuses like a street fight to be able stop fighting and if you don't get in there and break it up straight away many more people polymer before we know that a full-scale right on your hands you I believe in identifying any you're being attacked around the internet and you can't you can't erase that spot wherever I find somebody you know commenting angrier what I'm doing you will always
find an open polite columns straightforward and honest response from me that defuses the discussion humor very important that diffuses everything and and actually India's other people see you and and they start doing your defending for you so actually many other commenters on you tube will be into to these discussions and defending and 1 of them said to me you know we have to apologize all the trolls on here I said they're not troubled the strength of people's responses demonstrates how enormously personal this whole area in and
held very rarely we ever get to talk about it and I think that that's 1 of the reasons why so I launch may not help
on 3 years ago all I have had 0 money
time resources funds suspended on ever since my primary focus has been main start up if around the world but even with me doing nothing about it the response has been extraordinary so on 0 promotion from e-mail uniporter . com gets 3 thousand unique visitors per day and I'll come back to where this is this come from and when it anyway because my TED talk someone high traffic back and shoot up to 10 to 12 thousand this is a global issue make up once a global conservation was intended and again I'll come of talk about that a bit later but and it's gone global without my doing anything about it it gets traffic from 180 countries under very interesting configurations several while last year the 2nd power also traffic off the west was China I've got no idea how that happens it's not in Chinese current 2nd source of traffic is India I think Pakistani still again I don't know how that happened but most poignantly I get e-mail e-mails to my make of not point in boxes literally every single day about it and I get them from a young and old many the mail straighten gave from all around the world and even before the content I put out what most people away is simply the fact that I stood stage in public and I
talked about not doing something about what everybody knows that nobody ever speaks about and as a result people feel able to tell me they pull their hearts out to me on e-mail they tell me things about the sex lives and watching habits that they've never told anybody else before and that's why I've felt of a huge personal responsibility to take make love not portable words in a way to make it much more far-reaching helpful an effective among the can't talk about in a moment I'm going to take this time to just and clarify and some of the issues that I II tackling with many of the poor and 1 of the things I need to clarify is my dating life because some kind have actually found that the area of sex more than any other area operations person proves the truth that's saying we
don't see things as they all we see things as we everybody processes me and what I'm doing that make love not ported to the lens of their own personal bias prejudice fear insecurity and so on in a very common misconception it is so she dates younger men she's a predatory needy desperate hungry Cougar thing of abusive younger men no wonder she gets the behavior she deserves a that is not my dating life I on extremely selective about who my date on it never hit on a younger man in my like I don't have to they come after me I'm and by the way I'm very public about the fact that the young men and on public about that's because and I find it very aggravating that the center is the other way round has been 55 older men and younger woman 1 that's somehow older woman younger man less socially acceptable so as a result of feminist you know I believe in getting loud and proud of the fact that the younger man because every time I say that I'm striking a blow for womankind but also because to me it is
emblematic a much bigger point which is what all I believe that everybody should be freed to design the relationship among what what's the them which made by the way be different at different points in your life buzzers the
very limited number of Relational's society tells us it's OK for us to operate so on extremely selective about the younger men I date I'm on the
internet I date and potentially and recreation but no matter how how recreational and cultural relationship of 1 of the fundamental criteria they have to be a very very nice person I have a fantastic rate or the very very nice people and as a result I only data utterly lovely young women I datamining context of mutual trust respect affection and liking my so-called casual going a lot longer than many
people's committed relationships among still seeing on and off 1 young gentleman loving seen for the past 5 years since the approach me on myspace when he was 22 on the mandate go today goes around age they move away to other parts of the country we stay friends you need to estimate we carry on the sonically you know I help with business ventures their careers so that's a very different model to the 1 the people perceive on of the data of the of the younger man but I am my own research labs and so I can testify that even in the 3 years since I launch make love not pull on this issue is endemic and it's only getting worse we talk about make love and people's minds tend to go to sex and I have to explain that the impact of as the full sex education is much more fundamental insidious and ingrained in ways that people often don't think about and in this comes from the fact that so an internet security provided a research study done from a few years ago show that the average age which kids 1st few hardcore porn online is
11 this year that H break is deemed to have dropped to 8 based on my anecdotal experience I think that's pretty close to the truth and by the way 8 year old kids don't necessarily go looking for for but this is this is not about parental controls this is about what your friends show you on a cell phones in the playground what happens when you are familiar with your friends from the computer at their house and you can have things a click away that you never expected when you decided to google something
really innocuous like he ate and within a couple of clicks
you're looking at something that you never envisaged I and that you don't even fully understand and so you know the sorts of e-mails that I get to um come from women like the young woman who wrote to me a couple of weeks ago the heading of e-mail was I want to make love not Paul I don't know how so she said I'm 23 I began watching porn when I was 11 before I even fully knew what sex was and my sex life as being inextricably interwoven with porn I've seen your website of talk I really want to make love not port I don't know what that means please help me and all command 202 do that I get uniform and make up on a gender-equal proposition because both men and women are equally influenced by poorest sex education and so what I say to parents is that you cannot begin talking to your children to early about sex and I don't mean talk about sex I just mean you know when something comes out related sex you address it frankly honestly and calmly often the way you say it is as important as what you say don't react with embarrassment don't shut them up but I took technology are difficult it because I'm operating with McDonnell pour in remarkably data free area so I no actual statistical basis for this
the based on my own experience I would estimate less
than 5 % of parents In the talk that showed about sex I state talk that about sex I mean along the spectrum that ranges from here's some condoms get on with it all the way to sitting down and having an in-depth talk and the difficulty there is that once upon a time if you were 1 of those less than 5 % of parents who actually sat down and talked to John about sex the conversation you to be purely logistical it used to be this goes into that when a man loves a woman the birds and the bees today the conversation as
a parent you need to have your child goes Darling when they're online and we know looking at particle porn sites online a way to explain to you that not all women like to be tied up bound gang make choking men come all of them and not all men like doing that either 100 % of parents or never gonna have a conversation with our children and that's 1 of the reasons why I'm doing
what I'm doing so I'm going to the impact of poorest evil sex education ways that some a lot of people don't think about so 99 . 9 % of all the mainstream Paul is made by many of the
men as a result the entire resolved at the be all and end all of every single mainstream poems sex scene is to get a man of as a result an entire generation of guys and girls are growing up believing the entire restaurant that the be all and end all of sex is to get the national and that believing that even when they don't consciously know it the men sex is all about them and the women's sex is not about expecting asking for understanding your own pleasure so I'm 52 all old enough remember back in the day when it was enormously important to the man that I slept with I came but I came 1st but I can at least once if not several times if I did not come the succession was not a success and nobody was going anywhere like a there's other days is the is days these days
I don't come and it's not even remarked upon and let remind you all only data utterly lovely young and this is the way that condition because mainstream or does not show you how to make a woman come braille and you I can see that they are modeling unconsciously on the body language and behavior whether this is the center of the universe and by the way I pull out a huge service demand because it makes them believe the great sexist eccentric great sectors all about certain things that men interviewed inadequate about as well but that some of that aspect of porn
statements excitation people cannot think about another
aspect is so on people people don't realize how much corn you can watch when you really put your mind to it so I also young play something I so you know which you watch the set of very little only about 2 hours a day now I don't know if there is a sharp intake of breath ability that is very little compared a lot of people I speak to men and women
by the way I will say it was entertains me when people talk about watching porn nobody's watching porn their wanking this is understand you what is it and you must have a 2 so when you're watching 5 or 6 hours of on day and nite almost debating
ferociously all through that and on and on and focus on the male aspect of this curse is and you become so humans to the pressure and sensitivity you give yourself that you can no longer come inside a woman in her her mouth in hand or through anything that you can do to you so I observe this myself but with the man I Dataware where unobserved than resorting to self pleasuring at moments when it's all about having a huge tonal which you have the can be but it's clearly about the fact that you know anything I can do is not to get in there so own I dated a guy who's 23 he they are watching porn when he was 11 or 12 he lost his virginity at 18 so for
6 years he was watching Boston support and most vigorously and he has never ever come inside a woman all inside a woman's mouth off a woman dragging him off the only way he can come during sex is budgeting and some of bottles of this and I had this corroborated by a guy called Dr. kernel as a website called a good and bad and he encounters as long as patients and then write to him and has a term for it idiosyncratic most recent from an obviously if you are in a committed relationship or married then this is a source of great unhappiness for both parties so these are just some of the ways that to Frank are still not fully understood about the impact that the ease of access the portal mind is having on us as human beings on the tech entrepreneur I go to conferences like this 1 about technology and human behavior all the time and I engage in discussions I read blogs about the impact of technology on human behavior I
chatting with make love not the single biggest impact technology is currently having on the most fundamental actually him behavior which is our sexuality which informs everything about how we feel about ourselves other people are relationships outliers happiness but in the past year or so people began to really understand that this is happening I see a very very few people doing anything about it the interesting thing to is that something that reporters brought a whole lot of people to me from all over the reached out saying we love we doing we want to help including much to my surprise
when it 1st began happening a lot of people in the porn industry specifically Generation Y Paul Generation Y in porn is like genome-wide anywhere else the entrepreneurial their ambitions that question challenging the old world order they want to be part of of the new twentysomething porn stars and pull directors reached out to me saying we love this initiative we want to help you with it as a result of a lot of friends in the port opponents strange I go to vegas and attend the AVN Awards and the atoms
in the text so every year some of my friends are very interested in what I'm doing and they help me with it and it's very interesting for me as a business person to look at the porn industry because some a lot a lot of the
things that's all influencing human sexuality in ways that will provide didn't are driven by the nature of Paul as a business pool is like any other industry sectors the I study as a basis for that it's gotten so big it's got conventional pull it out as norms and rules and conventions which is why so much so repetitive and boring it actually fallen prey to that syndrome known as collaborative competition collaborative competitions where everybody in this sector competes with everybody else in sector by doing exactly the same thing every of sector is doing and it's old world order business model being destroyed it's tanking as an industry and every single dynamic I've just cited is also true of music broadcasting publishing and advertising and so what things I would like to do is help with what I'm doing the demonize straight because because they
talk about sex until about Paul because it will about we never talk about industry and so this is an industry where on the whistleblowers nobody shines a bright light into dark corners In a way to help improve business practices and improved treatment of talent and I'm actually encourage innovation and structure within as an industry and help it to reinvent its own future and that is actually part of where I want to go with governor point in the future so as I said I have increasingly felt a huge personal responsibility the take love not portable words in label make it much more far-reaching helpful and effective I'd have to think very long and hard
about exactly how I do that because I am starting a very big very difficult very complicated area so i've chosen factor my own very small way but in the way that I think I'm best suited to coming from background of 27 years working in brand building Martin appetizing which is to find a way to embed what I'm doing in popular culture in a way it make it
so engaging entertaining and compelling that people and get what really doing which of course at a fundamental level is indicated plus I have to find a way to make
what I want to do potentially massively scalable because of i want to counter the influence of Paul the full sex education order to come up with something that has the potential to be as fast as mainstream and all pervasive in our society today as carriers so setting myself some pretty big old fat obviously so what I'm doing is I'm turning make love not point a business venture um which it hasn't been done previously on embedding a businesswoman at partly because I consisted of money and
also because I believe that all businesses in the future should be about doing good and making money simultaneously have a higher order social agenda and the ability to be enormously profitable because my
other venture is around the world as a without having to redesign the future business and I planning to take every dynamic that exists out there in social media currently and applying them to the 1 area that no social media network platform has ever gone or will ever dare go which is sex I want to socialize sector I would like to
make real world sex socially acceptable and therefore socially shareable in a way that to be honest nobody else has ever achieved data under the girl and I would like to do with make love not for the 21st century what actually he'll have the marriage of Playboy in the 2004 which is bringing sex out into the open legitimize it create a public platform for public public discussion the public domain known as part of doing that I would like to help redefine what constitutes Paul and I would like to be part of the future of port now I like him a doing that we're currently building what we will launch later on this summer has made love not porn . tv I'm I'm afraid I'm not going to tell you exactly what that is you can get to make love not point on TV now inside of the beta please everybody do I and the other a reason that we are operating make them up on top TV in stealth mode is the 1 I alluded to earlier because everybody processes what I'm doing to that their own lands on it is it is very very hard to building what I my team of building we don't need to be shot on from a great height modeling it you can show
me all you like radicalized but until then we don't be distracted with our growing misunderstanding and that might come from the outside and that people knew exactly what we're doing so on going to be um born a mysterious about it and all that and if any of you would like to help me with it and you can e-mail Cindy at make love not conduct column and I would love to hear from you but there a there is another area I would like to help him so
as I just mentioned doing what I'm doing is unbelievably difficult it took me 2 years to get make love not point . TV funded very ironic I should be every venture capitalists web dream literally I have no idea enabled by
technology designed to disrupt sector was billions of dollars in a way that is both socially beneficial and potentially very lucrative but because sector support and the social benefits the sexuality nobody wants to talk to about I
finally found an angel investor who got it put up the small amount of seed funding we needed to build this venture arm I close the funding 7 months ago I think I don't get my hands on the actual money for 2 because I could not find a single bank in the US that would allow me to open a business banking account for business that has the word portal name even in the businesses make love not I I want pivotal slot brilliant software company and to build them for not to be do they built around the world make the fantastic that they passed because of the nature of what the concept is i currently my single biggest operational challenge is that it may have not point on TV has a very innovative business model I'm going to put on a payments infrastructure in place but because we all what the world deems to be adult content we can't work with paper we can't with Amazon's we call it with Google Checkout we call what was most of the big payment gateway providers and by the way we also can't
work with an adult industry-specific and payment providers and essentially because it's a seller's market it balances Noah together very expensive and it doesn't work with our business model I actually got so frustrated by this I said to my co founder and CTO chlorine we're trying to invent the future of porn I want to talk to anybody who was inventing the future of money let's research every single financial text out about that because I want to find the people has frustrated with the old world order financial system as I am but from a different perspective and I want to work with them so here we are partnering with Ben Milner blog and cellular binge of gum Road is very keen support us but actually I I I I I very specifically what the status audience I'm only looking outside of the United States vol help with the bank who's management actually would get the social mission of what we're doing and allow a sort of this is banking count I'm looking for payment infrastructure partners who get what we're doing support it would like to help us do it and if any of you you work quiz no all can recommend anybody I would be enormously grateful for that help so
um is that some that's essentially what I'm doing with me on the 1 sorry I can't be on more of that about exactly how it is that some of them had exact the way that I'm taking this forward but it would only be a couple of months before you're able to see exactly what made them up or not TV constitutes and then I'm very keen to answer any questions you have will clarify anything that you may be some curious about say what I'd like to have up to you guys and time and talk to you thank you very much and b
xn in hands and that please see the gentleman over there 1st hello my Darius become form basketball pro and I just want to tell you I'm very grateful for what you do is you very
great you brilliant and can do what you do army and the funny thing is 2 days ago I was just talking to a friend of mine years of uh and
NBA player and he told me something about his problems and talked about that and you can look at a woman in a respectful
way like something just switch on whenever you to contact with a woman right and um love to go and consequently with little um I think most of the time I got and that is the is the is the of to come
think of and I am 23 nodes where as a result
of I hope I I think some is very important what you do and edges realize how
important is and where they come from all the things we do with the way we think about all the things right in and just keep would do more do with and later on we just in
contig and and talk about computer down and I'm always appreciate that and that I'm the upcoming your
got the right and it's interesting and pool is like any other media entertainment and channel where and just as with the the the proliferation of reality shows in this sector that is in the stranglehold of the old world order patient you put it very well when he said institutions have a vested interest in perpetuating the problems which the other solutions and many industry sectors operate that model so he was this always ask a and that goes with the things that will make the most money very quickly and easily as per provision of reality shows which are driving all sorts of societal models of what is acceptable behavior and the ways in which you should feel some real world herself and porn is doing the same thing in ways that we don't even fully understand that within every single industry sector there are people who work within that sector to understand that they have a responsibility to try and change that and I'm very keen on that we work together collaboratively anybody who wants to help change this syndrome and also enormously grateful to hear words of support like yours because I have to tell you that it is a real battle doing this and I really feel very demoralized and motivated by all of the obstacles I come up against but every opposite
line count is exactly why we have to do what we do is to break down the hypocrisy under puritanism around the cell area since thank you very much and I appreciate that you have more questions don't be shy OK I just have a question how bad is performed for children
because in Germany we have outrage about generation born in was right about 11 year old watching porn and there were thinking OK a gaming is normal way of sex everybody's have to have it but there were 2 studies that showed that the norm is sexual education and that they can I divided through we born and normal sets so where where's the danger of well I think of it 1st of all I I don't know enough about
the sex education system in schools in Germany but other than a very important part of all of you know how it impacts children is the level of sex education they receive from their family and from schools to understand that come up on the is is entertainment you know as as some of the and journalist Mary Beth Williams wrote in his thinking you can learn about sex from watching porn is I think learned to drive watching the fossil material from about the other but certainly and
that the issue is that you know most children around the world do not get that degree of education so
I mentioned earlier that you know minimum was gone global think it's treated all around the world and also still a guy in India to each and use based on by the law and I'm monitor them made up of on twitter and tweet said everybody goes to make love not . com immediately if you want to get married this site could save your life literally such that tweet and I went marriage what he talk about the school about authority India where on this part of the affluent elite boys and girls are segregated gender-wise from the boys grew up watching porn out was you trust me they do the girls don't marriages in india are arranged the very 1st time the bride and groom and actually meet each others on the wedding nite I mean we think about the way nite so this is massively needed in every country in the world and you know against your question also I know people leave comments made port of call the time they right to me all the time I'm a young man from left to comment and few weeks ago and they point of call when he said I'm 23 and the people who tell you that Paul does not influence the minds of young people let me tell you I'm the living proof that it does he said that you know I am I began watching porn when I was 11 or 12 um but really understand what sex was and the you know as I thought sex was is on the degrading and inhuman acts and he said it wasn't until I fell in love with 1st under the age of 22 that I had any idea that sex had anything to do with level even anything to do with affection and this is sweet common because clearly this is a man who is madly in love and he said and now you can understand why do you want to do something so degrading and inhuman to a girl who is put on us by God like an angel is always a matter of it's very sweet spot some but that's that's the danger that some when and when you have not been taught what sex really is in the real world and how wonderful sex can be from
in the context of a loving relationship then you can
get a very warped perspective and again you know I hesitate to generalize had and and so on I'm making regular that everything i'm doing i'm doing from my own subjective perspective but you know as I said earlier you I am also my own research lab in on the other side the other men captured a lot of them but not all of them events and you know the reason by summing them up on but I have this is not me as 1 of these academics all these journalists going to lie here the young people today this is me going I have sex a 22 year-old and I can I see how this plays out in my personal life in very intimate situations are very careful about how I handle as well so Salem quite as I
say I'm not tackling porn person but I am urging everybody to talk about sex openly and honestly you cannot begin talking too early with your children and it is incredibly important that you have a realistic real world conversation with them and what we are doing with that number portability is we are creating a platform and tools what I called sexual social currency I want to give people the tools which have this conversation in the public domain in the way that not not point of column here is very basic state is currently doing and a classic e-mail I get all the time is from you know a guy or a girl says I came across a textual I went to website I sent them both my girlfriend off the back of that we have a conversation about the fact that some of you know and there's something that could be doing differently and our sex that is much better as a result thank you very much I get he was like that regularly the we have 2 questions line up at the side that that the go against the you've just the has thank you and I was just 1 I really enjoyed you talk but it sounds to me like 1 something evil and no it's not and that's not what you meaning that is like same people to have like a regular
sex life and that like the bees and flowers just in and out but not all of them tend to look about the real that they're white is not to discover this is like that sounds to me on the Internet and in History of
uh what I was saying earlier was I was told about the kind of conversation parents used to have with their children and and the coefficient have to have now and that was not me about a really important and this'll make love not war is not judgment of it's acting on about this is good this is bad because sex is the error of human experience embraces the widest possible range of primitives and criticisms of make point quality go to the site and people say a little all your saying Cindy some people like to some people don't have the conversation the other is all I'm saying and but even that very straightforward thing needs to be said it's actually fantastic you know I'm to do what you love to do it's also a fantastic partial social boundaries the important thing is communication great sex is all about communication as long as it doesn't really enjoying it that's all that matters but I thought you people find it very hard to have a conversation in an intimate and you know as I was saying earlier on in the corner and pull pull just as it's entertainment but there's a whole world of real world sex out that is absolutely fantastic that is way way better than anything poor channel will ever share and that's what I'm trying to help people discover and some and that's something that that we hope to be able to facilitate a much more when we launch make love not product ought to be just the very clear what you heard me say earlier was i was saying once upon a time 10 years ago that's the way parents would try and told the truth about sex and I have to talk about a different that's all that gentleman would have these yeah I do workshops so
if you've been pupils said In about on loan security and social media and always tried to talk about how they can usefully use its
you for them so I am you can use morning you know in a way you which helps you in way would do you think what the pupil so you need before while to watch it you know like or 4 and discussion about it you know what I mean satisfying what selection exactly the question is that sorry but if you do a workshop about only security and the
point is you came up right so give hints how can
engage them more to to put it on on them and the way which is useful for them and you'll be great to
use that opportunity to have a very non-judgemental conversation around it because it made it depends on the agenda real classes and where you want to get to but some of you know my experiences that people at time to talk about with because we never do so you know that that's 1 the reasons people write to me I had an e-mail last week and from a man who wrote to me about his sex life is watching habits and at the end he said he said it it's it's symptomatic of our
double standards culture as I said in my talk that I'm writing all of this a woman I have never met because at the age of 37 his age she's the only person I've ever heard talk openly and honestly about it so I would say it depends on your agenda via workshops please have a chance and this comes off and gives them the form of a completely open non-judgemental discussion I just let them say whatever they want to say that the fantastic the gentleman next
year in what has questions thank you very much for use speech my my wife is a teacher at a higher
education school in just the last year they had their case with some pupils showing hardcore reduced so on them all words to each other there was a case where 2 guys almost ready to
go and as a consequence small words where prohibited 4 year old school years and of course that this school has started programs and try to link to other schools in working on this topic but I was missing 1 part and you can use speech maybe you can leverage
and then how are you connecting to maybe um
universes universities sociology's schools or governmental education programs in supporting movement of collaborating with like OK I'm not that nanotech
interact and everything will I say that I don't want things I find them with a lot of people that have been
quite careful about is that some of you know I'm not saying this is what you'll see also about this but everybody always tries to load me up with their agenda because there are some you people willing to stand up and be counted space there was always saying to me those things you shouldn't schools you should know this you should that but I'm being very focused about the way that I am talking with and because I don't see anyone else bringing what I can the the table which is defined a completely different way to tackle it and I hope that actually will both be affected but also help supplement everything you're talking about but but there is nobody doing what I want to do which is took to trying to create something in popular culture that is possible pervasive and engaging as corners am single-mindedly focused on that task was that goes I'm really open to collaborating with anybody and everybody um but as I said I'm looking at a very big very very difficult issue on tackling them 1 particular part of it the way that I think will be most helpful even that on finding extraordinary difficult to do and you know I have the time of the funding you know I have to work as a consultant pay the mortgage of a very small team bootstrapping you know we we we can only tackle this in our way and at the same time everyone has reached out to me there's a whole network of us all status in different ways of having that together yet again these are all the dynamics that what you're talking about at Republic these 3 days the network effect collaboration with the bottom-up model the more advanced having this in all different ways more impact will ultimately have but in my case I have to be incredibly that's about the 1 thing that I think I can do and I can do really well that will really help take this forward does not make sense you have 2 final questions and had away
from the lady here in front of and to with the gentleman with a white shirt of the hi honey you think you
so much for your speech and there an author monitoring and listening to your talk whether it's not just on the mound and the accessibility of corn that are cost the change that is described but also the quality of the point that's available because if you think back to point in the eighties or whatever it was very obviously like the movie and the sensory operators and the point that is widely available now it's like holding homemade amateur and it looks much more like
real it's real periods like people next word kind neighbored stuff some 190
thing does that have anything to do with that or can it be counteracted with 1 that looks more real or different kinds of foreign wars and and no I mean 1 of things that would pronounce on is the quality of
port of by the way I the because some of this is something that up to the call is what I'm trying to do you reduction 99 . 9 % of all pull on the internet builders ammeter isn't it's made by professional production covers most avatar because what you want to see this dorm rooms that exist guys sorry I'm right away like a huge issues with the term but it implies the ability of people doing it right all the professionals and the rest of us about media which I be disagree with them but just to and as it continued to on that point about so called primitive and even the sites of the the real home video bills itself as the largest oldest and multiple sites on the net and the as we are real people having real sex you get their submissions page
100 video whether place the camera so you can show all the same camera angles as you do inform the
submission categories are the same as important anal Deep Throat and has grown video tells you how to do it yourself so gravity assist you in the anal sex emissions scattering so viewers really just think it's bills time so it itself you have real sex traditional sitcom of who is the 1st time really notice and then when you get results having vectors for important therefore that the listing of all I will argue that is not real people having real sex so as actually amateur in the
context of bit artificial distinction but some you know that it's interesting in a way because again and other things which talking about derived from how broken pointers the business sector just like a musical broadcasting movies all appetizing sale of 1 the things that unfortunate things and Paul and I would like to see change is that when Europe on performance and the performance seen on your paper that seems not very much and then somebody else goes on to make sure that the money out of it but you never see the value of the processing is massively popular class you have no control over how that scene is represented you have no control over the title of the of the moving of all the things I said on the website and and and a lot of what I can drive you know variables attitudes 52 women is is verbiage and the language and the presentation and the framing of pork so I mean this is enormously complex issue I don't want to generalize but it's not to do with quality of all the states a lot dynamics within the sector that add up to something very unfortunate including by the way you know the fact that it is the mass of the male-dominated industry like so many mainstream form has not even begun to leverage the female experience of arousal design sex which it has no interest in doing and that also does both women and men a huge disservice and of his most people we just had also received I'm not coming off the western don't
worry but my might was on involuntary cycle you all heard that we also received of Twitter question direction has taken out of my hands but it was another presented treated in who who must adjust watched you told them online and and was asking what you think about the career of such a gray and I'm just trying to repeat this as best as I remember and so that says anything to you maybe you can build an answer that question as well and then will have to work what so I guess
in it and such a gray areas of the famous for having made the crossover as as people call it from the point of the the mainstream of and and and and therefore she represents a lot of people the poorest we would like to do I have I guess you know what I would say to that is as I mentioned earlier I have a lot of friends in the poems industry my friends all total consummate professionals they are very very professional at what they do proud of what they do they have a sense of their responsibility they would like to see the industry changed and you know I would like to see them respected in the way they should be as a professional I would like to see a porn industry where you know such a not the exception not the rule where you don't always have to to have a fake name you don't always have to live in fear of exposure to your family does not support what you're doing and you terrified that they'll find out you are going to see an industry where you you actually realize the value of what you create every single time that we would like to see in every industry sector or I have believe should operate Paul and I really want as I said earlier what I'm doing to help dehumanizes for industry I'm absolutely an applicative all my friends and 4 and and went on when I launched a not point out TV I would like it to help the poor industry see that there are ways of reinventing the business model and reinventing the way in which you contact creating adult content in ways that actually have the other people can also take on board and and can inspire them in fact but I really know what I would like my next venture to be and if they have not pulled out to be ultimately does what I would like you to do which is to a lot of good and make a lot of money I would like to start an incubator accelerator dramatically innovative for start ups I would like to be the Y Combinator form because because I don't want to know friends and all have a a
brilliant idea really interesting ideas that create their own content they and they have very different ideas about the future of Poland but there is no in that industry to help coach advise mental and
finance what they want to do and by the way that tiny injection of cash into radically innovative forms startups will produce returns way beyond anything any Silicon Valley incubator can dream of so further down the road that's 1 of things I'd like to OK please final question OK so thank you again for an interesting talk and then and I'm I'm really curious
about the idea about and in the middle of the nite upon so on the 1 hand you are saying From this in 1 main it's like a jerk off material consisted that men of it is going to be sexy and there has been a kind of evolution any stereotypes and it's always the same and in this sense it's not realizing good things and on the other hand you are saying you want to do this new side which if you tell you that it's not this is so so it's it's more than kind of educational site necessities of life it's about entertainment is is it about entities logically this adult entertainment yeah I'm I'm not so I'm not going to you and I I really can't say anything to specific about it but I will say is
fine not going to do it you guys all OK I'm really I'm really curious of some of the things that make up about point . tv now sign up for beta and thank you thank you
so much thank you so much for educating and
entertaining us at the same time you amount next year and tennis and reflect on the last 1 here make 11 of quality of god I would love to come back next year and I'll show you exactly what am I believe all of us will have done together by then and that's called the action going through it that time you know you you