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Farewell and Welcome Home: Python in Two Genders

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welcome man would be to mount and by contusions few OK I'm going to assume that nobody in this talk is 1 new units that something about metaclasses or something like that you probably know what this is about 1 and
but I want to start with a disclaimer were to the 1st
disclaimer is that I'm going to tell you is really based upon my experiences of my life my opinions I am not particularly trying to speak for everybody else I realize that there are many many things that I will tell you that other people in different groups will have in common with me but I think it's also good to be aware that when you're dealing with any particular and marginalized groups that are people tend to assume that if 1 person speaks speaking for all and that is definitely not true I can't even blame so to speak for all middle-aged transwomen women in tech from northern Chicago I can't even do that so that's that's
square a number 1 this query number 2 is on
ANN usual thing I have to say I have been speaking for all my life on other time stands still I can go on all day just ask my former students and this is a very difficult partly because I am acutely aware what I am giving a purely personal talk at a technical conference and and probably the only person doing I can development education goes to the east of 100 reasons why people would not only not want to hear this but not want this talk to be given on and yet people encouraged me to submit this talk and I do and I think part of the reason that people are interested in this on site for meaning the more sensational side of it is that it shows the difference that changing 1 variable in your life can mean so to
solve all of this I used a quote from lover and Cox with a transgender after so increasingly popular these days about 6 months ago he said in his
revolutionary for any transfers to choose to be seen invisible in a world that tells us we should not exist so this is my story and welcome to my revolution when I was born the
doctor took 1 look at me and said it's a boy he was right Our was transgender what that means is sometime before something happened and honestly it was probably several something's may be partly genetic may be present genetic I that eventually had the result that something fundamental in the way my brain worked with just more to the female side and to the male side we may never know we certainly don't for sure no now why this happens the
point is when I was growing up in didn't want to be a girl on inside was this is is a confusion that that people sometimes found but I mean perhaps somebody wants to be the other gender because they get x y and z or whatever but this wasn't the case it was a matter of what this was never a choice I made this was in fact from many years of reality that I thought
so when I was growing which is an embarrassingly long time ago but I will give you a clue later on how much of the view is that no I I did not know what was going on and grew up in a very small sort of farming village in the middle of the US very conservative after they had no idea what was going on but I learned by the time I was 4 5 that not only could I never act on what I thought was I could never even speak of it or horrible things would happen it's funny how kids pick up on kind of the the subtle messages that that adults deliver and that was certainly the message that I am more aware experience online but then when I was on the we actually got a magazine in the house but it has along with an address this president who was actually President Nixon at the time so that should clear number 1 in the McQueen looking all is much lower than article is very new phenomenon of sexual that I read this as a 13 year old and I saw that it was me and I was terrible I believe that all test sets in the list of people who live extraordinary from last time if I would have read this something more objectively realize that the reason that they would deeply troubled is that they almost always had to struggle to get treatment most of the time we couldn't get through and the reason that extraordinarily complicated life was if they did get treatment of precondition of getting that treatment was to abandon their former indirect identities entire I sort of referred to this is kind of the trans witness protection program you had to get away from everything or horrible things that happened and so being at the 2 year old could talk to no 1 I think I what would be a reasonable thirteen-year-old decision I went into deep deep deep denial this just couldn't be any that's all but what are the choices that so that must mean with dealing with who I was and trying to deny the same
time my family and since I was really uncomfortable in groups of boys being the groups of boys and I've talked for 25 years so I don't quite well I'm talking about culture most of you I and instead gravitated to 2 more things and this is not to say there's a necessary connection between being the key being transgender obviously there is a lot of In certain scientific groups there is far less pressure to perform at masculine and I in fact even handles the and I think the other thing that attracted me was that a lot of the other people in that particular group did not fit in with the way the world was where we were at that time but so so I think at least I felt there was that kind of kinship OK so so and so it's not getting along in this world variable so what we did it at time this is before the personal computer revolution and so we went to astronomy and tells the but the picture here is the right of standing on the left and you so my best friend announcement that on only got pictures in the paper about 40 so this is displayed telescopes in astronomy stuff at a local fair but I will point out my cats the bottom here I there's a lot of curiosity I think that people have for not transgender when they meet transgendered people about the forest and after his what did you look like what's your quote real name what things like that of I would say it's pretty general true that this is very uncomfortable for for most transgender people it certainly is for me so as I said on we will never speak of this again so I was and on to
the young people and old I'm from a PhD in Greek and Latin literature to eventually it's really a long story it involves a couple years priests many many things to eventually being the technology director and programming teacher at an independent school in the US but where I was working in embarrassingly long time of while I was there From this thing that open-source Linux and and the new system and all of that started to come and go the popular and so in the late nineties they discovered this but this is wonderful stuff I so we started running Linux as for for the school servers and things like that it was a small server nobody else knew what was going on I just do what I wanted to something that I started a lot of involved in things like that I pipeline factually analysts world from you is actually was teaching so the states and all the money in the slot I talk page on the school the top I find other teachers I talked Python when expressing up quite a lot of places of I spoke at the 1st couple of icons that have the name Michael and I just told her I had kind of a road show we go speaking at the National Computer teachers that with a lot of things like the I the writing a book that the Quixote quite a lot 2nd edition my writing career incidentally actually started because it was the humor columnist for a dog training using I'm not making this up that I also have don't organized in independent community because I was foolish enough to st hold in 1 day if there's anything I can ever do just let me know and he immediately said like the poster session I got it in and I think and 1 poster session in my life just had a lot through so I really didn't know what they were what we figured out and I poster session for 3 years and when the education summit so I know for a fact that some people sitting in this room know this guy he's not here anymore so in 1 of the things
you're going and certainly my involvement in python and the python community was a part of what was going well but many of even after all these years of denials and then I tried everything that I could think of I was still transgenic that hadn't shown and it's
really really hard to explain this to somebody is not been so it's like close always future issues numbers it's really to me like when you're trying do sleep because you know you've got a really big data instead and you're thinking about how much better get to sleep you are really big day the next day and then you suddenly realize that all of your thinking about how much you need to sleep is keeping you from going to sleep so tell something not going to think about sleep anymore it just going to sleep and then you catch yourself thinking about how much that the again almost immediately that is use the kind of human that and they got to the point where I was telling myself if I could just hang on until I die it would be OK on that there was a problem with this and that was I was not going fast enough that I'm exaggerating when it from here on a recent survey of transgender people indicated that 41 per cent of them had attempted suicide OK now what about that just the ones who survived show OK so this is a is a higher number and I'd like to know that I have not talked annotations in person whose transition after actually can say who did not come this point in thinking that the only way this is going and justified done kind that is very rough and as I say you're not going fast enough that's section of so eventually I
guess is you and I realize that option was going ahead in transition is to stop fighting in and actually exam what was my truth rather than the truth that the world had been trying to tell me for all these years the problem is I remember back when I was 13 reading that you have to give up everything in order to transition and that would be giving up I think the talks about life what all of that stuff that was really very important to me and I haven't had reached the point where I was willing to make that trade that's what it but and
things went on ice
started to and this is a unspoiled of always wanted to have it both ways rather than just 1 or the other I was trying to think if there's some way we can end up so I started to think about how it is I might be able to keep those things that I am still transition with this even be possible so 1 of the
1st things I thought about and I
think this shows the history the background the 1st thing I did was checked the paperwork check the documentation that sort of thing I look in their work the work on conduct taken had a code of conduct it was you know 1 of the leaders even when I was thinking about so that was and then I talked to to some people that I was working with on the icon and I certainly kinds told them on the slide that this is what I was I was thinking about what I was going to be doing but see their their their reactions and they were universally surprisingly to me all very supportive areas not seen and in fact but I will tell the story on myself I and have this elimination of what I was going to give up on everything that was going to basically go underground or whatever was I actually create came up with the idea and pitched the idea of the education summit of Picon going to be the last thing I did for the Python community before it went underground but there's this is something very similar colors but the problem is is I started to approach transition I realize there's no way I was gonna last until piconet education some so that was part of my motivation but how can I've really got a dilemma now I can't give up this thing that I started to understand what and so as I thought about it I decided that the way that I would do was going to do it I would really have to be as absolutely open as possible because if I'm keeping everything obviously
were connecting the 2 identities is no way you can possibly height it's got to be completely nearly all of this took me some thinking to to to get my mind around and come to terms with but in fact
I would him and that is exactly what it is and I think even before formally
transition actually applied the pavement workshop for women are and that's speaking it's various conferences allow it to take on and communication summit except it was no longer has a farewell that you have to give that speech then have that speech written so as just as well and so it was called
only 1 variable and in fact people again were surprisingly supportive and then this is not to to say anything against other people I think I was just in in the sort of space in my head where I was really expecting everybody to heat it and in fact people that and I was surprised me about the I did discover that the and I was the easier it seemed to be for myself and for everybody else but I think that was partly because that takes away the questions and the awkwardness of at least it's out there and do we have even discussed that anymore this is again let's discuss other and I would say that the the the final conclusion I came to here is that we talk a lot about diversity I do believe that our commitment to diversity is real but so this should be
the ending right now talking fast and and and it's not known in the end so in it
is not already was uniform but as a transgender woman intact I can tell you
that I am almost always the only openly transposons but there are a few exceptions to both of those are we done some transgender happened bonds in the state which is really a blast because more than half of the people there trends gender queer and we're actually doing something this is visible In or a complaining session or whatever session doings and and the other part of it the only openly transfers in the room I statistics would indicate that by not only trends person in this room following the and that this is how so this that elements sort of isolation I am not your anymore I guess not that I ever was I never felt it was a real man now that you can find people on both the the left and the right who will say I am not a real woman i in fact in some people's minds become famous a curious sort of influence of a joke I promise you that any joke that ends with and she used to be a man is not funny to me OK don't even try of the people are sometimes embarrassed to be seen with me I mean more so than before and right I think this sort of thing how 2 strands of people realize that when they think of me but it might think you have diverse sets steps and in many places on items right I have to be very carefully picking where rights but many states in the US many countries I can even think of a continent that I really don't want to use right now but I do rights I have a much higher risk of violence and other than I did 5 years ago OK not the little of the violence and people happens to be against trans women of color so I have the privilege of not being subject to them but still you have if I did in a situation where violence is involved it's probably gonna go bad so I don't want to friends but as it happened tomorrow's you the 40th reunion you should include a lot of the 40th reunion of my high school class 75 2 people are not invited 1 of them is serving life in prison for for murder the other 1 is most of my family longest the exchange I really 25 years in teaching to move to a different career but in order to transition if you think that I'm being exchanged I would invite you to think about what would happen if 1 of the teachers in the school that your children understanding but decided to transition and how your community
shows all of them is the price of the I am now at place where I would not change that if I could it took me a while to get here I have to admit but now if you offered me the chance to go back in time to before I was born but in to fix
things not only would I not take it I'm not sure I can tell you what fixing things with mean on this so all of that
means and this part of the reason why don't think would change changes point is that I have managed to see things that that other people have been able to do as well male and female as more privileged in more marginal but this this gives you a perspective that that I think many people to scan number now but for 1 thing as a
transition I got to know whether women in and this was an interesting experience because I thought about this question quite a lot before a transition what's going on things are different how is this going to be different will you be able to handle and I really thought about it and I thought that I had seen some of the different it is amazing how much I did not see until I actually got here as well so I have some very smart move from his ability did not seem to be recognized it was here was really shocking to me home what that was passed through also and I mentioned on then they did not always you well they did not always say but 1 of the 1st times I was in this situation I remember thinking what are these people are getting a bad deal and almost immediately after that yeah lying on these people so it was it was a different world you know it was the same place that I and that that was was actually quite a
shock so I often the only 1 in happened yesterday is I can no longer assume resource securities it is a male and a gentleman you don't understand what exactly that is like I mean as a as a guy you can pretty much go wherever you want whenever you want it to be used for you I am now invisible this 1 1 of the concept of mall when thinking about what was going to happen I did not expect to be invisible tell you was I want to be precise as as a moment I was worried about harassment from being a transplant but that really body anybody would do it that was my concern in fact I was invisible in that every woman that I even use slightly recognize instantly and pretty much all of the the guys look right through and it was really kind of a weird phenomenon I would have liked and then the job is the light materialize out of thin air what was I did several times and and obviously I'm pretty sure they're not here but there are a couple of guys like I probably took advantage of this invisibility all the more the issue of whether it was in all but this is my introduction to the fact that In in general in our society men are socialized not to pay attention to women in professional settings and actually afterward I looked around and many stories of this this is not my discovery I just had know but paradoxically de but even though I'm usable I'm in the class of people that is always judged by appearance I mean this is just in fact there are all kinds of double standards that use exist this is more in the world as a matter of fact this I was told I think it was referring even to the same what brief period of time data incidental whatever I hold simultaneously I was too nice and it was to 1 approach OK I hope this we don't know how to do that I wished I of look at this if the and so i and and a friend of mine is actually observed whenever you get double lines like this you probably have a discriminatory system going on this is this is not of a situation so we 1 take away from all of them is in general I have learned when it needs to be marginalized my started a few years ago I was assumed to be used white male that is not marginalize that's what the system is designed for I am no longer that and I is a very
different than and this is really what I want to read if you are marginalized groups many of the examples so what can you what is special or extra I'm just pick a random example T-shirts if it just saying you are never quite sure you're welcome that's feeling that I and if you object to or even just sort of point out something In the system whatever that system maybe that is not doing you any good so you are quite unlikely to get sort of a lecture telling you not to be so angry because that's just 3 years cause see somebody nodding that there are you should not believe people don't start a witch hunt on point is that the brucke all of these things actually have have come out of I mean when was exchange diagram of part of the our and honestly I'm and none of those I I really doubt that we've ever had a witch hunt in the Python community but whenever I hear that I rather suspect that it's somebody who doesn't want to change their ways and
so it's a very different places kind of thing all this is merely
where when this is painfully clear if you're on the 1 side and it is almost invisible if you're on the other side by all I was
interested in the content of the data there was a lot of references to diversity and its benefits and I I don't think that he he took that nearly fond I work for a very old conservative industrial supply company they are completely on board with the idea that diversity including me and the only out trans employee of 16 thousand people but including me that diversity is very important for the company they are very committed to other because they believe that diverse people solve problems better even if that diversity is not necessarily just limited to to the same 1 specific area but it also known that you are looking for skilled team members or know that that precious if you haven't you don't lose them if you're interviewing them you don't want them to go away operates all that is the business case for for diversity and this is something that they will say the US without even thinking about this this is something internal so I
would and as I said it was it was touched on yesterday I like the way that the source of the community the same business case should hold but did not philosophically since we're talking about being open all the time I think that also must necessarily implied inclusion and diversity so I just about
to wrap up here I have a question what do you want me again I cannot speak for everybody so that's why that we using quotes but in general to get you guys get us to shut up so I have 1 more slide after this I I is that we need to understand that everybody is different in a whole bunch of unrelated weights so the fact that I'm transcended not mean anything about other pieces of OK the fact that I am going to need to know more about me essentially than than than American that I'm I'm this call that whatever those are all unrelated things if we have that in our mind rather than trying to choke people so I think that would help listen with people who are marginalized tell you what it's like take their word for it they're not making it up you have to listen the harder the more you think they're making it up I could conduct man it you we have a good conductance of this process for all my stuff that is work was that's an insult to the idea of a truck approach and I think it's kind of like that that would make me go the other way the originator just saying open everyone does not bring in those people who think that you have been ignoring them all this time and not going to believe you if you just tell them unique personal contact to get people by analyzing I have under cover of on a street gender male for a long long time I have never heard people stand up against sexism transphobia things like that while I was in a natural not agree with all just let's say a group a straight man calling somebody out for homophobia transphobia sexism never heard it happened we needed and we need places where people feel safe and secure so this is
my final thing let let's meaning when we talk about that in a fair and inclusive we have still going but they were thank you hi how and I have a lot had of
really has question
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Metadaten

Formale Metadaten

Titel Farewell and Welcome Home: Python in Two Genders
Serientitel EuroPython 2014
Teil 68
Anzahl der Teile 120
Autor Ceder, Naomi
Lizenz CC-Namensnennung 3.0 Unported:
Sie dürfen das Werk bzw. den Inhalt zu jedem legalen Zweck nutzen, verändern und in unveränderter oder veränderter Form vervielfältigen, verbreiten und öffentlich zugänglich machen, sofern Sie den Namen des Autors/Rechteinhabers in der von ihm festgelegten Weise nennen.
DOI 10.5446/20010
Herausgeber EuroPython
Erscheinungsjahr 2014
Sprache Englisch
Produktionsort Berlin

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Fachgebiet Informatik
Abstract Naomi Ceder - Farewell and Welcome Home: Python in Two Genders After half a lifetime I transitioned from male to female while staying involved in the Python community. This talk discusses that transition and explores how I found life in Python as a woman different from my former life as a man and the lessons about diversity I have learned. ----- After half a lifetime "undercover as a man" I transitioned from male to female while staying involved in the Python community. This talk discusses that transition and explores how I found life in Python as a woman different from my former life as a man and the lessons about diversity I have learned. This talk will include a brief discussion of what being transgender means, my experiences as I came to terms with it, and the losses and gains transition entailed. Early on I made the decision to be as open as possible and to stay engaged in the Python community as I transitioned and I will discuss why I made that decision and the levels of acceptance and support I encountered. Transition has been wonderfully successful, but that very transition put me in a surprisingly different world. Now being part of not one, but at least 3 groups that are minorities in the Python world gave me a very different view of a community I thought I knew, and pushed me to being an activist (or trouble maker) in spite of myself. In addition to the many positives the Python community has offered me on my journey, I will discuss the experiences that have made me understand that privilege is very much alive and well in the Python world.
Schlagwörter EuroPython Conference
EP 2014
EuroPython 2014

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