I assume this will be the last talk I ever give, because after this every one, every single distribution's community will be out to kill me. Ladies and Gentlemen, bring your hatchets! I have collected quotes, sentences and assumptions that speak for themselves. While I am only showing one sentence each slide, the audience will have to guess the distribution that is meant. Be prepared to discuss: Who is the "Microsoft of open source?" Who thinks they own open source? Who was bought twice, while both buyers don't exist anymore? Who has hired a Gentoo guy as head of package management? Who is still compiling Libre Office and can't open a document therefore? What's that distribution with three, four, five names, constantly changeing? Add your own, this Lightning talk is open source, and a call for your ideas and discussion.