We all know that Ruby can give us super powers, but can we use it do something truly magical - write a brand new Harry Potter completely automatically? It turns out that Ruby and the dark arts of Natural Language Programming are a match made in heaven! Using some basic NLP techniques, a dash of probability, and a few lines of simple Ruby code, we can create a virtual author capable of generating a very convincing Potter pastiche. And if the life of an author’s not for you, don’t worry. In the last part of the talk, we'll explore how we can apply what we've learnt to everyday coding problems.