Why can't everyone just do what I want them to? Leadership, management, and working with people who don't think like you
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Transcript: English(auto-generated)
00:01
The question on everyone, why can't everyone just do what I want them to?
00:23
Leadership management and working with people who don't think like you, which is probably just about everyone on the planet. So we're going to start with a seemingly unrelated story that has nothing to do with anything. A few months ago, I decided to participate in something called the 100 Day Project.
00:42
The 100 Day Project is run by Elle Luna, who does a talk and has written a book about the crossroads of should and must. The idea is that for 100 days, you did something creative, same thing, every single day, took a picture of it, and posted it on Instagram.
01:03
I decided I wanted to learn how to draw. I've never been good at it, my mom's great at drawing, she's great at painting. The problem is when you decide to learn something new as an adult, you feel really dumb and really clumsy. Those of you who learn to code as an adult probably have experienced this.
01:21
So I'm going to show you for some reason the very first drawing I did in the drawing assessment as I learned to draw. Any guesses as to what this is? Shark is close, but it was in fact an airplane. It's a terrible airplane.
01:43
But one thing that you get from trying to do something new as an adult is a very strong sense of humility. And that's kind of what I want to talk about today, learning a lot about yourself so you can apply that to the relationships with the people around you. How many people in here became a leader by accident?
02:04
Like you didn't really mean to, and then all of a sudden you were in charge of a committee or something? And then you're looking around like, oh, now the hands are still going up. Like what am I going to do with this? Working with people is a skill that's separate from anything else that we do in our jobs.
02:20
And that kind of gets back to what Lacy was saying yesterday about what it is to have a soft talk versus a technical talk. When realistically we're working with people all the time. So who am I and why am I doing this talk? I am Brianna Morgan. I work in public health full-time. I also do some digital strategy.
02:41
I am the president of the Philadelphia Area New Media Association. I'm a co-organizer of Bar Camp Philly, which is about to be in its 10th year. I do marketing for an intentional living app called Entire.Life. I make poor drawings of airplanes, and I spend a lot of time working with different types of people.
03:01
So what we're going to do today, we're going to start off with an overview of habit formation tendencies, and I'll explain that in a second. There's going to be a self-assessment component, and then there's going to be a short exercise and reflection on that. Then we're going to repeat that with productivity styles, and then we'll have a conclusion.
03:20
So you're going to need for this talk either your notes app or a pen and paper, whatever you have, because at some point there's going to be a bit of a quiz, and you're going to need to write your answers down. We're going to spend most of our time on ourselves, and then we're going to apply the lessons that we learned from that to the people around us. You'll get some specific strategies and tips for recognizing behaviors in other people.
03:45
And one thing that's important to remember, that despite the fact that we're going to spend a lot of our time thinking about ourselves, that not everything is about you. And the way that people interact with you is more about them than it is about you. And so that's why there's this really strong component of figuring out how you interact
04:01
with other people. All right, so why are we starting with habits? For one, habits are stronger than reason. There is a paper out of Duke University in about 2006 that identified that 40 to 45 percent of the behaviors that we repeat every day are based in habits.
04:21
So the way that you form habits has really important implications for how you work and really important implications for how your team works. So the framework we're going to use here is Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies. This is based on a book that she wrote called Better Than Before. And she's going to actually be releasing a whole new book entirely on the four tendencies
04:41
because it was such a popular idea. It's based on whether you're internally motivated or externally motivated. So our first personality type is the Upholder. These are the people that you can rely on for absolutely everything. They're motivated by internal expectations and external expectations.
05:01
They're the people who can tell themselves they're going to get up tomorrow at 5.30 and go on a run, and they'll do it. And they'll go to work and do everything they said they'd do at work. And then they'll meet their friends for dinner at 7 o'clock at night and then show somebody around town at 9 because they said they would do all those things. The next type is the Questioner.
05:21
The Questioner is usually internally motivated but can be externally motivated if there's a good reason for it. They'll go for a run at 5.30 in the morning because somebody said running is a good idea for them, but only after they research why running at 5.30 in the morning is a good idea for them. They're also the people who ask questions all throughout your team meetings.
05:44
The Obligers are the people who are motivated by what other people want. They'll get up at 5.30 to go for a run if you have a friend that they're going to let down if they don't show up. And the fourth tendency is the Rebel. The Rebel accepts no expectations of any kind from anyone.
06:03
You'll never see them running around at 5.30 in the morning because they don't want you to tell them what to do. I personally am a Rebel. It's a pretty rare personality type. I don't really wish it upon other people because it's pretty difficult to manage. Recently, I attended an open mic with my boyfriend.
06:23
There was a section where the artist asked people to clap and stomp along to the song, which is a pretty normal thing to do when you see a musical performance. But we sat there for the song. I clapped and stomped along for maybe half of a verse. He did it the whole time, and at the end, he leaned over and he said,
06:40
I always did musical theater, so I always play along with audience participation when people ask me to. I looked at him and I was like, yeah, I was in theater too, but man, I hate it when people tell me what to do. So I'll be nice and do it for a little bit, for appearances, but...
07:01
So with that, we're going to do a brief truncated version of the assessment on the four different personality types to kind of figure out where you fall. And then we're going to talk about what that means for you and what it means for the people around you. So this is going to be six questions. It's multiple choice, A, B, C, D. So if you're the person who's really into having the right thing done, you can
07:22
number your paper down the left side. One, two, three, four, five, six. So question number one. Do you keep New Year's resolutions if you aren't accountable to anyone? A, yes. I'm good at keeping resolutions, even ones that no one knows about but me. B, I'm good at keeping resolutions, but I make them whenever it seems right.
07:44
January 1st is an arbitrary date. C, I don't usually make resolutions like that. When I'm only helping myself, I often struggle. Or D, no, I hate restricting myself.
08:00
Two, are you most likely to frustrate yourself because A, I can't take a break from my usual habits or break the rules even when I want to? B, my constant need for information exhausts me. C, I can take time for other people, but I can't take time for myself. D, as soon as I'm expected to do something, I don't want to do it.
08:25
What best describes your view about your commitments to yourself? A, I take my commitments to myself as seriously as I take commitments to other people. B, I only make commitments to myself if it really makes sense to. C, if someone else is holding me accountable for my commitments, I'll meet them,
08:41
but I struggle if only I know. Or D, I bind myself as little as possible. Four, when you've formed a healthy habit in the past, what helped it stick? A, I'm good at sticking to habits even when no one else cares.
09:03
B, doing a lot of research and customization about why and how I might keep that habit. C, I could stick to a good habit only when I was answerable to someone else. Or D, I don't usually choose to bind myself in advance.
09:23
Five, if people complain about your behavior, you'd be least surprised to hear, and some of you may have heard some of these things before. A, you stick to your habits even when it's inconvenient for other people. B, you ask way too many questions. C, you're good at taking time for others, but you're not good at taking time for yourself.
09:43
Or D, you only do what you want to do when you want to do it. And the final one, six, which description suits you best? A, disciplined, even when it doesn't make sense.
10:00
B, asks necessary questions. C, puts others, clients, family, friends, co-workers first. Or D, refuses to be bossed by others. So if this isn't wildly obvious, A was the upholder, the people who meet internal and external expectations.
10:24
If you have mostly Bs, you're probably a questioner. If you have mostly Cs, you're an obliger. If you have mostly Ds, you're a rebel. So how many people came out as upholders?
10:40
How about questioners, Bs, obligers, Cs, and rebels? Sorry, guys. I did, oh, also, are there any people who came out as a rebel
11:00
but didn't raise your hand because I asked you to? All right, so I did a super, super formal assessment this way among 44 of my Facebook friends who happened to be around at the time. Of the 44, 25 were obligers and 15 were questioners, which are the two most common habit formation types. I got three rebels, which is the rarest.
11:24
And by the way, this is not like a statistically valid in any way sample. And I got one upholder, and my theory on that is that upholders aren't sitting around on Facebook taking quizzes at their friends' posts. All right, so this is a quote from Gretchen Rubin
11:45
who came up with this four tendencies framework in the first place. We won't make ourselves more creative and productive by copying other people's habits, even the habits of geniuses. We must know our own nature and what habits serve us best. So I mean, we're all people with the internet.
12:01
We've seen Medium articles, right? How many productivity hacks have you seen that would never in a million years work for you or the way you think? And so we're going to do this by personality type. So the upholders. What's the perk of being an upholder? You're capable of working independently and you're highly motivated by to-do lists.
12:20
You can get things done without a whole lot of oversight, and that's a great thing that you can have in a team member. The problem is that you can often wind up on a never-ending quest for gold stars, constantly trying to get to the next accomplishment, always doing the next thing. Another issue that might have with some upholders is they're completely baffled by people who struggle with things.
12:42
If you've ever had a boss or a co-worker who says something like, well, I don't know why they can't just get it done. We told them it needed to be done. Maybe you've said that yourself. So strategies for upholders. They're naturally good at habits. So if you're working with somebody who's an upholder, you're in luck.
13:01
One way, if you have an upholder that's trying to perform better at work, you can get them to track or monitor their current behaviors. That's something that works really well for them, like doing time logs, any kind of scheduling. An upholder tends to do really well with blocking out calendar time for doing specific tasks. They also work really well with clearly defined rules.
13:21
So if you're supervising an upholder and you can clearly outline exactly what they're supposed to be doing, that works really well for them. They just want to know what the expectations are. They'll meet them on their own. Questioners. Questioners, it turns out, really hate waiting in line. They don't seem to understand why lines exist
13:40
or why they have to stand in them. They are motivated by logic and reasoning and are very good at doing things that they've already decided to do. You do have to get them there. So when you're working with a questioner, you need to be prepared to answer whatever questions they might have. And they will have a lot of why questions. You know the thing where you hang out with the toddler
14:00
and the toddler ask why, why, why. Some people are just always like that. So keep an eye out for that. There can be some tension about them always asking questions in meetings. Just never-ending parade of whys. And questioners also have a hard time making choices if they don't have a complete set of information.
14:24
So in terms of habit strategies for questioners, questioners really want to understand why something exists. Why is this process this way? Why are we looping this person in? Why do we have to build this thing at all? So be clear about what you're trying to do. Clarity is a strategy that works really wonderfully for questioners.
14:43
And the other thing that works great with questioners is identifying any loopholes in advance. So if you're a questioner trying to establish a new habit and you know that you're prone to saying, oh, well, I'll do the thing I was supposed to do tomorrow because I'll still do it, just not now.
15:02
You can kind of plan around that. Or the whole like, oh, well, I'll just work on this thing that's not the highest priority because I feel like it. But tomorrow, tomorrow we'll do it. Obligers are great team players, but they're prone to burnout. The obligers are the people who will,
15:20
if you need somebody to do something on a team, they will jump up and do it. If you send them a Slack message at 12 30 in the morning, they will get up and take care of the thing. The problem is that's exhausting. And you can only tap into that for so long. For obligers, they do really well with accountability,
15:41
regular meetings. If you're supervising an obliger, then meeting with them maybe once or twice a week so that they are accountable for doing the things that they said they were going to do. They also do it really well with habit tracking with any partners. And Rebels are great at coming up with new ideas.
16:02
They often will only come up with new ideas, but they're also willing to take risks. You got to watch out, they're oppositional. In terms of habit strategies for Rebels, good luck.
16:20
The thing that's worked for me as a Rebel, I can say, is to create a situation in which making the choice that I want to make is a little bit easier. In public health terms, we call this a structural intervention. It's the idea of if you're trying to eat better, then take the potato chips out of your house. So you can still have potato chips if you want them, but you have to drive down the street to get them
16:40
and it's much harder. You can also tie habits to identity. This reminds me a lot of Seth Godin, the marketer, talks a lot about identifying people like us do things like this. And you can do that for Rebel habit tendencies as well. The idea is people like me do things like this.
17:01
I'm the kind of person who goes home and studies every day and ties the habit to that. All right. So what I would like you to do now is very briefly, in two minutes, turn to somebody near you and ask for what the result was
17:22
and what the last habit was that they tried to form and whether or not it worked. This is amazing. All right. So it sounded like people were having some pretty robust conversations. And just keep a little note, mentally, of what you learned from your conversation
17:41
with your new neighbors. We are going to move into productivity styles. This comes from Carson Tate's book Work Simply. And again, we're going to be doing a truncated assessment. The first style is Prioritizer.
18:00
Prioritizers are the people who always know what's next. They are ruthless. They love spreadsheets. They probably loved Kojo's talk on spreadsheets yesterday. Next up is the Planner. The Planner is huge on deadlines. You will commonly find them in Trello.
18:21
The third is the Arranger. The Arranger is very people-centered. They're often making introductions. And the fourth is the Visualizer. The Visualizer is a big picture person. They are very idea-focused. All right. This assessment is going to work a little bit differently.
18:41
We're going to have four sets of four questions. You're going to rate yourself on a scale of one to five, which is on the slide, so you'll know what it is. One is this never applies to you, and five is, yeah, that's me. You nailed it. So question set one. 1A, I use a prioritized list to complete my work.
19:04
One is never. Three is sometimes. Five is always. 1B, I designate specific time periods for certain tasks. 1C, it is hard for me to take time to play
19:22
while there's still work to do. 1D, when I plan a project, I think about the project goals first.
19:47
Set two. 2A, I am often late. One, never. Five, always. Six, if you're not in the room yet.
20:03
2B, daydreaming gives me insights and solutions to big problems. 2C, I complete my best work under pressure. 2D, when I brainstorm, I sketch or draw my ideas.
20:27
Anybody was in Melanie's talk earlier, I feel like that applies to her. Question set three. Again, one is never, five is always.
20:41
3A, I have trouble telling my colleagues no. 3B, I block time on my calendar to complete my work. 3C, I tend to underestimate how long it takes to complete tasks and projects.
21:03
3D, I am selective about the tools like pens, paper, folders, et cetera that you use.
21:21
Final set of questions. 4A, I plan for the next day. 4B, I use a deadline as a time frame for completion. 4C, I eliminate physical clutter in my office.
21:42
4D, I complete project tasks in sequential order. All right, so when you're done with that, what you want to do is add your total up for each section and figure out which one is the biggest number.
22:03
It might be close. You might have some ties. These aren't really mutually exclusive the way that the habit formation tendencies can be. So if your highest number was in the first set of questions, you are primarily a prioritizer.
22:22
If it was number two, you're mostly a visualizer. If it was number three, you're primarily an arranger. And if your highest number was number four, then you're a planner. So before we go on with this, because this is a hot topic
22:41
in the workplaces, your way of doing things is not the best way of doing things. If you are lucky, your way of doing things is the best way for you to do things, and it's probably not even that. All right, so now we're going to have some pictures of lemurs,
23:00
because I felt like including pictures of lemurs in my slides. Lemurs are one of my favorite animals, and last year I got to go to the Duke Lemur Center. Adrian also loves lemurs. All right, so this is our first lemur. This is the prioritizer, because they're ranked lemurs.
23:24
I know I'm trying really hard in reaching for this one, but I really want to have lemurs. All right, so how do I identify a prioritizer in the wild? How many of you came out as prioritizers? All right, so prioritizers tend to have a little bit more traditional spaces
23:42
that they work in, not a lot of excess. Their desk is mostly going to have their current work on it, tend to get distracted by having lots of other things around. Again, this is not always 100% true, but this is where you kind of thrive. Prioritizers love data and debate. The big fans of the phrase work smarter, not harder.
24:02
They hate hanging around and just talking for no reason. It's like small talk is not their thing. Vague directions, any long extended emotional reactions to anything, especially in a business context, not a fan of that either. I wrote up sample emails for each of the productivity styles,
24:24
and in these emails we are having a convention to teach lemurs to code. So a prioritizer might send an email that says the entire email, we need an update on the venue for the lemur coding convention, please send final event confirmation.
24:41
The prioritizer is the person who sends an email and you think they're mad at you. Next we have the planner overseeing all the other lemurs. Identifying a planner in the wild. How many of you came out as planners?
25:02
I'm a hybrid planner visualizer. I have planner in my job title, so it's good that I actually come out partially being this. Planners tend to have a little bit more traditional spaces too. They're on the neater side, very big on putting things into folders. If they have credentials or any kind of certificates, they might display them in their office or their workspace.
25:23
Love schedules, timelines, getting straight to the point. Don't really like open-ended projects or open-ended questions. Really not a fan of lateness. And disorganized meetings that don't follow an agenda and kind of go on and definitely drive them up the wall. Although that might be most people.
25:42
A planner lemur would send an email that says, Sarah, we still need to confirm the venue for the lemur coding convention. Please send event date and time. Which rooms are reserved? Staff on duty for the event and any special terms. We need this info by Friday at 2 p.m. for distribution on Monday at 10 a.m.
26:01
Thanks. They'll usually include some kind of salutation in their email. They're huge on bullets. You can look at their emails and know exactly what they need. I feel like, was it Jennifer's talk earlier? These emails are right on point with the community organizing. Next up we have the arranger lemurs.
26:22
Who's an arranger? Very people-focused. All right. The arranger's workspace tends to be a little bit more welcoming, personal. You'll have items from your trips or, you know, drawings that your kids or nieces or nephews or some other child in your life made you. Arrangers love storytelling.
26:40
They really enjoy being appreciated. They like long, extended discussions and meetings. They really like digging into topics. They don't like it when people say that they need something from them immediately. They really don't like ASAP. They don't like by tomorrow at noon. They're very big on asking who needs to be involved and why they need to be involved.
27:02
An arranger will send a really long email. They will cc new people that probably need to be there in the first place, just so they feel included. And they're really people-focused. So very kind, big on opening emails
27:22
with how people are doing, closing them with hope you have a great day. This drives prioritizers up the wall. And the visualizer up in the clouds. Telling you, really loose associations, but I love a lemur. All right. Who are the visualizers?
27:41
All right. So visualizers. Your workspaces are probably on the informal side. Probably a little cluttered. Last time you cleaned off your desk might have been 2004. Will tend to have really bright and playful workspaces. They love thinking about the big pictures and conceptual frameworks.
28:02
They're big into whiteboards and post-its. They can't stand repetition, and they really hate the phrase, but we've always done it this way. The visualizer will send really long emails with run-on sentences and seemingly unrelated concepts.
28:22
Eventually, you might kind of get to what the visualizer was going for, but it takes a while. All right. So why is it important to figure out what your productivity style is and the productivity styles of people around you? Well, according to Carson Tate, engaged, productive employees do not work in a vacuum.
28:41
They need workplaces that help them bring out the best in themselves, mosh pits of creativity where energy and inspiration can flow freely. I don't know how I feel about the mosh pits, but it doesn't sound like any mosh pit I've ever been in, but Carson Tate might frequent different concerts than I do.
29:00
All right. So if you're working with a prioritizer, if you have somebody on your team who's a prioritizer, what are their strengths and how can you really tap into those? Well, give them detailed, data-oriented work. Give them all the spreadsheets. If you need somebody to do analytics, give it to the prioritizer. And how do you take care of them?
29:21
Let them opt out of meetings that don't need them. They will not handle being in them well. Keep their task goal-oriented and provide facts when you're giving feedback. If you're giving feedback to a prioritizer, what they want to hear is, we didn't get this thing in time, therefore it resulted in a 40% drop in sales for this week.
29:42
That's what the prioritizer wants to know. For the planner, how can you leverage their strengths? Let them set agendas for meetings. They'll be able to keep things tied into the project goals and get things set up so that everything comes in on deadline. They'll probably also remind other team members
30:02
if you need somebody to do that, that something is behind on deadline. And you can really tap into that fondness. For making sure that your planner has a happy, healthy working environment, ensure that they have space for filing and storing. That might seem a little bit silly, but just having dedicated places to put things
30:21
is very important to a planner. A place for everything and everything in its place kind of attitude. Give them deadlines and clear endpoints. And when you're providing feedback to a planner, they are probably going to take it a little bit cautiously. They're going to want to go home and mull on it a little bit, but they will be receptive to feedback.
30:44
For the arranger, the arranger is going to have great insights on what the team feels and who's going to like certain things and who's not going to like certain things. That's something that can really, really be useful to you. You can also allow them to lead extended discussions
31:01
because the arranger is very good at making sure people feel heard. If you need somebody to persuade someone of something, the arranger is going to be a good person for that. And to take care of your arrangers, this seems obvious, but let them work with other people. Putting an arranger by themselves in a room and saying, all right, work independently
31:21
for the next 40 hours is not going to play well with them. Also, allow them some space for some personal items. They're probably going to have an emotional response to feedback. That doesn't mean don't give people feedback. Just be aware and kind about it before you give an arranger feedback.
31:41
And for the visualizers, how to tap into their strength. If you need somebody to ideate, which is a word I feel ambivalently about existing, but if you need somebody to draw on a whiteboard or lead a brainstorming session, the visualizer is your person for that.
32:01
They like lots of light and informal spaces to do their work in. If you hand them a pack of Sharpies and bright Post-Its, they'll be really thrilled with you. And they can go anyway with feedback. So how are we doing on time?
32:21
Why, thank you, timekeeper, for turning that over. What I'm going to have everybody do is take, again, two minutes because we're almost at the end, turn to your neighbor, ask about their result, and ask how they would like their co-workers to support them in their productivity style.
32:41
First of all, thanks everybody for playing along with talking to each other. I'm so much of a rebel that I had no idea if anybody was actually going to speak to each other. So bring all that together, right? The point that I'm trying to drive home today is that you can work really well and really collaboratively with people around you
33:02
if you practice at it and pay attention to what those people need, right? So you might have started out accidentally in a leadership position or not have a lot of experience working with other people directly, but if you practice regularly, you can go from that ridiculous penguin airplane that I drew earlier
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to something that actually looks like a thing. That was after about three weeks, right? Practice is fantastic, and intentional, regular practice is even better. So thank you all for joining me. For more information, you can visit Gretchen Rubin's website and take the full tendency assessment.
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You can visit Carson Tate's website to take the full productivity style assessment. You can also check out the Duke Lemur Center if you're really into lemurs, and I will send these slides out. And if you're really interested, you can visit my personal website. So thank you all.